


Scars Filled With Gold

by wysteryas (echaryn)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Feelings, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Foreplay, Idiots in Love, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, Sarcasm, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-11-08 16:57:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17985059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echaryn/pseuds/wysteryas
Summary: Minghao doesn't know why, but lately he has been growing more and more annoyed with the presence of one of their band members. He can't explain it, but whenever he is near Jun, whenever he hears his voice and listens to his stupid stories - he just feels annoyed and angry. He feels bad, but truth be told, he really doesn't want to be paired up with him anymore for schedules. It's worse when he's alone with him in China, because then, Jun's personality simply switches and he doesn't stop talking and being an obnoxious idiot and Minghao slowly grows to resent him for it. He doesn't know why, but he really, really doesn't want to be near Jun any longer...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,  
> the idea to this story came to me in a very sudden moment. I've been intrigued with Jun's and Minghao's friendship from the beginning and I decided to explore their dynamics a little more.  
> No worries, I'm all about multi-shipping, so just because I'm writing a Jun/Minghao fic doesn't mean that I will neglect my Jun/Wonwoo fic "Feathers".  
> I was just very interested in playing around with certain scenarios. I assure you, this will have a happy ending. And the rating will also change to E.  
> Well, without further ado, please enjoy.

**Minghao**

 

He slams his phone down harder than necessary. Jun looks at him, mildly surprised, but unbothered anyway and he resumes reading the script for the variety show they'll shoot in about twenty minutes. Minghao grimaces and sits down in one of the black leather sofas lining the wall in their dressing room. Jun sits at the table, studying the script with interest. So diligent. Minghao scoffs and chews on his lip. He's in a bad mood. And he doesn't think that'll light up any time soon, which is bad. A variety show is all about being funny and cheerful.

Well, good thing he has the older man with him. Wen Junhui is the personification of a breathing ball of sunshine, except for his idiot character tainting his light. He's loud, silly, annoying and even embarrassing at times. Alright, most of the times. He always says stupid things and tries to be funny and smart and charming and he's so fucking bad at it Minghao sometimes wonders how the guy is so popular with their fans. Must be because of his face.

He eyes him. Now the brown-haired boy is playing some game on his phone. He looks completely relaxed, probably more than ready to make a giant fool out of himself again. He just fucking loves it when the camera rolls.

Minghao internally groans to himself. They're in China right now, and although he loves being in his home country and promoting and representing their band, he honestly wants to scream in frustration at the prospect of having to spend at least another five days with Jun. Their schedule is packed with show appearances, interviews and photo shoots and he'll have to spend nearly every waking minute with the other Chinese.

He sighs to himself. God, these five days will feel like an eternity. And worst of it? Jun doesn't even notice how freaking annoying and tiresome he is. Well, when they're alone he's usually not all too talkative, which is a very welcome trait to Minghao, but in Chinese interviews and shows he doesn't fucking _stop_ talking and most of it is nonsense anyway. Which serves as perfect opportunities for Minghao to make a sarcastic comment and make fun of the older. Sometimes he feels bad, because he knows that he might come across as a little harsh at times. But Jun never mentions it. He always keeps smiling and being his dumb, stupid, uncaring self. There are times when Minghao wonders if Jun actually feels anything that goes beyond hunger and fatigue. Probably not.

Jun notices his lingering gaze and offers him a warm smile. He looks handsome as always, although he's dressed rather plainly today, in blue jeans and a grey shirt. Minghao rolls his eyes and looks away. Stupid Jun.

“You ok?” Jun asks.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he grunts, not even trying to hide his bad mood.

Jun just looks at him, before he glances at the time.

“It's about to start,” he says with a light, cheerful voice and Minghao feels a hard ball of annoyance forming in his stomach.

He glares at Jun, which the other ignores, and then grabs his phone to send some angry texts to his friends. He needs to blow off steam.

The variety show goes well, the audience is nice and there are many Chinese carats cheering for them. There are three other Chinese idols on the show, who are all nice and relaxed, but the hosts are a little mean, though. Minghao is used to Korean hosts and they can be _real_ mean, so he doesn't particularly mind them. He points difficult questions at Jun, who handles them like a pro, until they get to the games part.

Basically, it's just a little stupid game. It's a small tower made of little wooden chunks staked atop of each other. With a little hammer they are supposed to knock the bottom chunk away and the tower will fall – ideally in a way that it stays intact. It's funny and silly and they are playing against time and they're all doing their best – of course, except for Wen Junhui.

With growing annoyance Minghao watches how he keeps knocking the entire tower over. At this point, the audience is cheering so loud for him Minghao hardly hears the MCs anymore. He watches with a frown how Jun fails time and time again and he feels an embarrassed blush rising to his own cheeks. God, why is he so fucking bad at it? But Jun is just laughing it off and then, finally, after countless attempts and many sarcastic comments coming from the hosts, he manages it just in time for them to win the game.

Minghao exhales slowly. Of course...fucking Jun being the centre of attention yet again. He hopes they will be able to shoot the rest of the show quickly. He wants to leave.

“You ok?” Jun asks him after the shooting has ended. They're back in their dressing room.

“Yeah,” he says curtly. He cleans up as quickly as possible and then grabs his things, whilst Jun is still changing.

“I'll leave first,” he announces, already standing at the door.

Jun just looks at him, before he smiles. God, how Minghao hates that smile sometimes.

“Ok, I'll see you at the hotel.”

Minghao just nods and doesn't look back.

 

********

 

They're sitting through an interview. The reporter asks interesting questions, he asks them about their music and their latest album and recently announced tour dates. Jun and him try to both answer as well as they can, they rehearsed the answers prior to the interview, but it's not too easy to make it sound natural. However, Jun is good at it and covers up whenever Minghao sounds a little too robotic. The questions turn playful.

“What have you been into lately?” the reporter asks with a grin.

Minghao changes a gaze with Jun.

“I've been reading books,” he answers truthfully, although he knows that it's a boring answer, but he can't think of anything else from the top of his head.

“I'm playing a lot of video games,” Jun laughs.

Minghao smirks and looks at the reporter: “He's bad at it, though.”

Jun snorts, but doesn't negate the statement.

Minghao adds: “I would be in my room and then hear loud noise from the living room. He's always yelling when he loses.”

He's exaggerating it purposefully, to make it more interesting, he knows that he makes Jun seem like a person with a bad temper, but he doesn't care. Jun won't mind it, anways. He never minds anything, that's one of his problems.

“So you're emotional when you're playing games?” the reporter asks Jun.

Jun grins and rubs his nose. “Maybe a little bit. I really get into the story and the characters...”

Which is a blatant lie, but the fans don't need to know. Jun is the least emotional person Minghao knows. He's lacking emotions, just as he is lacking...everything else.

 

********

 

He hasn't slept at all during the night. He just couldn't sleep, he kept turning from one side to the other. So now Minghao is in a particularly grumpy mood. Which is bad, because they're being interviewed again, at a Chinese radio station this time. He has trouble focusing on the conversation. A mean headache throbs in his temples and his eyes keep dropping close. God, he needs to sleep. Jun next to him is as lively as ever. He happily chats with the two female hosts, he tells a silly story about his childhood actor days, he elegantly promotes their latest single and gives a shout-out to their members currently in Korea. Minghao nods along, only sometimes adding a comment or so, but aside from that he lets Jun do most of the talking. Sometimes Jun can be useful.

During the break, Jun asks him whether he is ok. And the older man gently reminds him to talk a little more. He grimaces; he knows that, too, thank you very much. He breathes slowly, trying not to get angry, but he does, he feels the annoyance rising in his throat like poison. He clenches his hands to fists.

“You know otherwise manager will ask you why you're being so quiet,” Jun says, his voice all nice and warm and gentle and it pisses Minghao off.

And before he can stop himself he snaps: “I fucking know that so shut up.”

Jun's eyes widen at the harsh reply, but then the pause is over and they're on air again. Minghao grits his way through the rest of the interview and then, finally, when they're released he quickly excuses himself to head for the restroom. He splashes cold water into his face when the door opens and closes. He looks into the mirror and sees Jun standing by the wall, his face blank, as usual.

“What?” he asks darkly.

“Are you ok?” Jun asks. He sounds worried, though, and it annoys Minghao even more.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he growls.

Jun looks at him. “You're not.”

And this time he explodes. He walks up to him until they're only inches from each other.

“Well, I would be fine if you would just stop _talking_ for once!” he snaps, every word meant to hurt. “Christ you never fucking stop talking garbage - argh, fuck, you know, just leave me, alright? Just fucking leave me alone.”

And with that he storms out.

He doesn't see Jun anymore for the rest of the day. Neither does he hear his voice. His headaches stay with him until the next morning.

 

********

 

He's happy as he returns to Korea and he thankfully embraces his band members as they come home late at night. Seokmin asks if they want to order food, but truth be told, Minghao just wants to sleep and forget that the past few days actually happened. He doesn't even get to have a day off tomorrow, no, they have schedules starting at 9am, so he wants to get as many hours of sleep as possible. He glances over his shoulder to see Jun in the hallway, quietly slipping into the room he shares with Seungkwan and Chan. They haven't talked much since the incident in the restroom. Part of him feels bad, but he also welcomes the rare silence and peace. He doesn't think Jun is too angry, he never gets angry, he probably doesn't even know what anger feels like. So Minghao ignores it. They're fine, they're back home, reunited with their members. Everything is as it's ought to be. No need to dwell on what happened.

Oddly, despite his loud, annoying personality on camera, especially in China, Jun is surprisingly silent when he's home and even when he's with his band members. Well, they have many loud people in their band, sometimes it's hard to get to say something, but Jun usually keeps quiet. He would just listen carefully, laugh at the jokes and cheer for his members, but otherwise he is unnervingly untalkative. Well, and when he does say something, it's rarely of any importance.

Minghao meets him late at night, about a week after their return from China. Jun has been normal to him since they're back. He talks occasionally and smiles, he's his usual self and now that they're with their band again, he doesn't say much in interviews anymore, which is a blessing. And just as Minghao predicted, Jun hasn't mentioned the restroom conversation once. In fact he acts like it never happened. Minghao walks into the living room, planning to move to the kitchen. It's almost three in the morning. He can't sleep, so he wants to make some tea and then watch a film or so on his phone. He stops walking as he sees Jun splayed out on the sofa, his phone in his hand.

“Why are you still up?” he asks him, although he doesn't really care.

“I can't sleep,” Jun mumbles. “You?”

“Same.”

With that, everything's said. He makes his tea and heads back to his room. As he sits down on his bed again, he notices that he didn't say good night to the man. Well, Jun probably didn't notice, anyway.

 

********

 

The dynamics in the band are rather interesting. They've all known each other for a long time now, they've been forming friendships since their early trainee days. However, having a group with thirteen members with wildly different personalities is a challenge, for their company as well as it is for themselves. Now that they're out of puberty it's become easier, but sometimes...well, sometimes characters just clash when both are having a bad day or everyone is tired and hungry and annoyed. Like right now. Seungkwan keeps messing up the choreography and Chan is about to explode, everyone can see it. They've been at it for hours now and they're all tired and exhausted. Minghao listens how their voices grow louder, coloured with frustration. He sighs. Here they go again.

“It's honestly not that difficult, hyung!” Chan says, his voice raised, his annoyance obvious.

“Don't yell at me!” Seungkwan replies, yelling himself.

Minghao sees how Jisoo just shakes his head and turns away, whilst Jeonghan and Seungcheol walk up to the two to calm them down. The rest of the group keeps their distance, it's best not to interfere when stuff like this happens. His eyes trail to Jun. He sits with his back against the wall, his eyes locked on the ceiling. He doesn't even seem to hear the conversation, let alone care about it. Minghao watches how Wonwoo walks over to him and they exchange some words, until Wonwoo leaves again to stand with Seokmin and Jihoon. Jun resumes staring at the ceiling.

“Minghao?” Mingyu's voice calls for his attention. He turns his head. The taller guy sits down next to him.

“Hm?”

“Uhm...have you...,” Mingyu starts. Then he clears his throat. “Don't you think that Jun-hyung's been weird lately?”

“He's always weird,” he replies.

Mingyu gives him a tired smile, but he seems genuinely concerned, so Minghao drops the sarcasm.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well...he doesn't talk much.”

“He never talks much,” he says slowly. Well, except for when they're in China and Minghao has to deal with him all on his own, but he doesn't say that. “I haven't noticed anything,” he adds.

Mingyu hums thoughtfully. “He's hitting the gym again.”

That is indeed news to Minghao. “Really?”

“Yeah. He goes to the company gym after practice. Wonwoo-hyung asked him. Because he doesn't eat dinner with us lately, right?”

To be honest, Minghao hadn't bothered keeping track of the older man's schedules. But now that he thinks about it...yeah, Jun had been absent for dinner the past few days. He shrugs. Well, if he wants to work out again, good for him. The fans will love it.

“Is he ok?” Mingyu suddenly asks him and he frowns.

“I guess? Why're you asking me?”

“You were in China together...”

“Yeah, so what?” Minghao sighs. “He's fine, no worries.”

 

********

 

A few days later Minghao storms down the corridor in their company building, towards the room in which their leader Seungcheul loves to hide away to work on music and compositions. It's way past 10pm, but he knows that the older man is still here. If he's not at home, he's at work. It's just the way he is. He knocks but opens the door without waiting for an answer. He enters and Seungcheol turns around in his chair, with his headphones still covering his ears. His eyes widen with surprise to see him and Minghao motions to him that they need to talk. He closes the door behind him.

The older man slides the headphones into his neck and pauses whatever he's been listening to.

“Minghao...”

“Sorry for disturbing, hyung,” Minghao pants. He tries hard not to sound exasperated, but he does, as he says: “Manager-hyung just told me that Jun-hyung and I are supposed to go back to China _again_? So soon?!”

Seungcheol nods, clearly surprised with the emotional statement. He completely turns around to him now.

“Yeah, they told me earlier. You're going to leave two weeks from now, for another week of schedules there.”

“But – _why_?!” Minghao grimaces.

“Apparently they liked your variety show appearances a lot...Well, it's a good thing, you can promote us more for Chinese carats,” Seungcheol says.

“But why me?” Minghao asks without even thinking. “Why Jun-hyung?”

Seungcheol's brows draw together in a frown.

“Weeeell because you two are Chinese?” he replies with a laugh. “Aren't you happy to go home again so soon? You can eat all the Chinese dishes that you want.”

Minghao buries his face in his hands. This has to be a fucking joke. He just came back from spending seven hellish days with Jun and now he's supposed to do it all over again? He honestly isn't strong enough to deal with Jun's bullshit again, not so soon. His silence seems to disturb Seungcheol, he feels his questioning gaze on him.

Minghao clears his throat. “I...I was just surprised.”

“Is something wrong?”

He shrugs weakly. “Well...it's...it's not about me...”

Seungcheol blinks, before he takes his headphones off completely and he stands up. He walks over to him, until he stands right in front of him. Minghao curses himself. He never should've brought it up.

“What's going on?” the older man asks carefully.

Minghao worries his lip between his teeth. He doesn't want to lie to his hyung and leader, but...well, it would only cause problems if he tells him what has been bothering him for quite some time now. He doubts Seungcheol would understand. They never have to experience Jun in a Chinese interview, with no other members stopping him from talking bullshit and taking away screen time.

“Minghao?”

He clears his throat. “Nothing,” he says weakly, but their leader shakes his head, clearly not satisfied.

“Come on, something's bothering you. Spill.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “I...well...it's...,” he tries, but honestly he doesn't know where to start. Then he just groans and curses quietly, before he mumbles: “I don't want to be paired up with Jun-hyung.”

“Excuse me?”

“I – I don't want to be paired up with him for a while!” he says louder and he feels disgusted with himself, but it's the truth, as bad as it is. “I...I just don't want to do schedules with him anymore, if it's just the two of us.”

Seungcheol's eyes bore into his own. “Why? You better have a good explanation for that.”

He shakes his head.

“You – you don't have to listen to him all the time when he keeps spouting nonsense on Chinese shows! He's always so annoying and childish and stupid!”

And it's like a broken dam, all his frustrations pour out of him like a dark wave of negativity, it flows out of him like a waterfall and poisons the room, but he can't stop. He doesn't _want_ to stop. Seungcheol listens, with his face hard and his eyes narrowed.

“He is always loud and annoying and obnoxious and fucking embarrassing! Hell, most of the times I think that I'm the older one and have to look out for him! He's supposed to represent us and our band, but he's too damn dumb for that, if anything he makes a giant fool out of himself and I'm there and I can't even say anything!” Minghao complains and his voice becomes louder with every word.

“He's quiet here, but when we're alone in China, it's like his whole person switches and he won't stop _talking_ and it wouldn't be a problem if he would say something – something useful for once! But he just spouts bullshit wherever we are and I'm fucking sick of it, ok? I'm sick of having to watch him embarrass himself again and again, I'm sick of listening to his stupid stories and dumb comments, ok? Fuck...”

He ends his rant with a groan and then he turns away, panting lightly, and he hasn't even noticed the angered heat sitting in his stomach, but now he does and he opens his jacket. Suddenly it's so hot and suffocating in here. He eyes Seungcheol, who hasn't said a single word for the entirety of his tirade. He looks shocked and Minghao wishes he hadn't started it at all. They both keep silent, until Seungcheol lets out a sigh and he rubs his forehead.

“I...I didn't know that you felt that way, Minghao..”

“...Sorry, hyung,” he mumbles.

He feels bad for dumping all of his bad thoughts on the older man. But then again...he knows if he hadn't said anything now, he would've gone crazy. He clenches his fingers. Although he feels hot, his hands are cold.

“I...So, you don't want to go to China for schedules?” Seungcheol asks slowly.

“If...if it's possible, I'd like to stay here.”

Seungcheol nods, running a hand through his hair. Then he grabs his phone to type a message, probably to their manager. “I'll ask them...but don't get your hopes up, Minghao.”

He nods.

“And...about Jun...,” Seungcheol starts, but Minghao shakes his head.

“I...I just don't want to be around him, hyung,” he says truthfully. “I really don't.”

Seungcheol is visibly affected by his words, but then he frowns and shakes his head. “You know that won't work. We're still a band and no matter how annoyed you may be with him, I can't let that affect our group.”

He grimaces and his stomach burns with shame. “Hyung...”

“We're not only flatmates and band members, but also working colleagues,” Seungcheol says sternly. “So I won't allow you to damage our whole dynamic just because you're having problems with Jun.”

“I know.”

“Fine with me, if you don't want to do schedules with him anymore, we can work around that. But I won't let you jeopardise everything we've worked for because you're annoyed with another band member, Minghao.”

He frowns. Seungcheol's accusing tone really doesn't sit right with him.

“Why do you sound like this is my fault?! He's the one acting like a complete fucking idiot whenever there's a camera on him!” he shouts. “Honestly, sometimes I think he's more of a burden than anything else. He contributes zero, fans wouldn't even notice if he wasn't there!”

Seungcheol's eyes are narrowed to furious slits as he growls: “You talking about fans or yourself, Minghao?”

He throws his hands up in frustration and turns around, when he notices that the door is ajar. He blinks. He's sure he closed it behind him. Without a word he walks up to the door and Seungcheol's commanding voice makes him flinch.

“The conversation isn't over, Minghao.”

He closes the door and this time he makes sure it's actually shut. Then he turns around to the older male.

“I got nothing more to say,” he says, quieter this time.

“You can't just say these things and walk away!” Seungcheols fumes. “We are meant to be one. I can't let our friendships suffer because the two of you can't get along.”

“I can work with him. But I just don't want to do schedules with him alone,” Minghao sighs.

Seungcheol's eyes fill with sadness as he suddenly asks: “Do you...actually still consider yourself his friend, Minghao?”

The questions catches him off-guard and he stares at the older man for a moment, before he shrugs. “I don't know. I guess, but...but right now I don't feel much of it, you know?”

They argue for a while longer, until Seungcheol is too annoyed with him to keep the discussion going. He just tells him to go home and take a cold shower to cool his head, while he'll stay a bit longer and do some thinking. Minghao thanks him nevertheless and hurries to get out of the room. Suddenly he feels exhausted, and although he's told Seungcheol all the things that have been bothering him lately, he weirdly doesn't feel better at all. Actually, he feels even worse now, but he can't take his words back anymore. He can just hope that...well, that things will turn for the better now.

 

********

 

The following days are as usual. Seungcheol apparently hasn't told anyone else about their conversation. Their practices go as usual, their band members act the way they usually do, it's a whole heart-warming mess both in the company and at home in their dorm. Nothing has changed and Minghao feels comfortable. But even he notices that here is one person who has been absent quite a lot lately and with a roll of his eyes he acknowledges that Jun hasn't been home much. He appears to their schedules, obviously, he comes to practice and company meetings and everything else where he's required to be. But aside from that Minghao doesn't see him in the dorm much anymore. He's also talking less and less, even Minghao notices it. During practice he only talks when a question is directed at him, otherwise he keeps unnervingly silent. It irks Minghao.

One evening he overhears how Wonwoo asks Jun whether he wants to order food to the dorm, too. Jun declines.

“Come on, you go to the gym every day, you can give yourself a break,” Wonwoo says with a grin, but Jun declines once again and says that he wants to eat healthy.

Wonwoo walks away with a shake of his head. As Minghao looks at Jun once again, the older man is already out of the room, probably heading for the gym. He doesn't see him anymore for the rest of the evening.

Two days later, Minghao sits in the living room, casually watching a Netflix show with Mingyu, when Chan comes out of the room he shares with Seungkwan and Jun. He sits down next to them and pulls his phone out with a sigh. He looks troubled, Minghao finds.

“You ok?” Mingyu asks.

“Hm...,” Chan hums thoughtfully. “Jun isn't coming home tonight, either.”

Minghao blinks.

“Again?” Mingyu yawns.

“What do you mean?” Minghao asks and he tries not to sound interested, because he really isn't.

He doesn't care what the older man is doing, hell, he could bang ten chicks in a nearby love hotel and he wouldn't give a damn, as long as he appears in time for their schedules. At least he tries to convince himself that it's the truth.

“He's been staying at Pentagon's dorm lately,” Mingyu explains.

That is indeed news to Minghao. But then he remembers that Jun is good friends with Pentagon's Yan An. He remembers the pretty Chinese. Jun and Yan An get along very well together. Certainly better than him and Jun do. A weird, biting feeling fills his stomach, but he doesn't know, why.

“Why is he staying there?” he asks, although he doesn't care.

“Don't know. He just said that he wants to spend more time with Yan An-hyung,” Chan says with a shrug.

“I think he's been acting weird,” Mingyu says.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think so, too. It's like...he's there but he's actually not, you know what I mean?” Chan says with a deep frown on his forehead.

No, Minghao doesn't know what he means, but a tiny ball of worry starts to clump together in his stomach. After a moment of hesitation he pulls his phone out and opens their chat.

_-hey, where are you? You ok?_

It's impersonal enough. He scrolls up a bit. It's been some time since they've texted directly. Minghao wonders why he didn't notice how rare Jun's messages have become. Not only to him, but in their group chats as well. It's like his presence is slowly fading away. Strangely, it bothers him. He glances at his phone again and again for the rest of the evening, but he never receives a reply. At some point he opens the chat again and he sees that Jun has read the message. But he hasn't replied, he doesn't reply for the rest of the evening. Minghao goes to bed early again. His headaches beat through his skull until he falls into a restless, dreamless slumber.

 

********

 

Minghao is relieved to learn that in fact he doesn't have to go to China with Jun. However, the reasoning surprises him.

“Yeah, so Junhui will stay longer in China than we initially planned,” their manager tells all of them a few days later. It's the end of practice, they all want to go home.

Minghao's eyes glide to Jun. He stands leaned against the wall in their practice room. Although it's about him, he looks uncaring. He just stares at the ceiling.

“Why?” Seungkwan asks and he turns his head from their manager to Jun and back again.

“Junhui will attend some more individual appointments,” their manager explains or rather manoeuvres around a proper explanation. “That's why you'll have to change the choreography to cover up his parts, as well as redo the line distribution.”

Soonyoung shrugs his approval. It's not the first time that they have to alter the choreography to the amount of members available. Jihoon nods, too, he'll probably have the new line distribution done by the evening today. It seems effortless, how their group is able to function when a member is missing. It's nice, but at the same time, it leaves a bitter taste in Minghao's mouth. It kinda...somehow it feels as if they could all be exchanged randomly and the fans wouldn't even notice. It hurts to think about it that way.

Their manager leaves.

“Hyung, why aren't you going to China, too?” Hansol asks him.

“Because I want to go on my own,” Jun says before Minghao can even think of a good explanation.

All heads turn to Jun. It's the first time since...well, since weeks since he has said a word without being asked about something prior. Jun doesn't seem bothered by the eleven confused people staring at his back as he walks over to grab his bag. Minghao eyes him with suspicion.

“Why?” Jeonghan asks with a frown.

Jun doesn't reply. He just shrugs a lose sweater on.

“I won't be home tonight,” he announces without a single emotion in his voice and with that he leaves. Probably heading towards the gym again.

“What's going on with him?” Wonwoo asks Seungcheol.

Their leader just shrugs. “He talked it over with management. He's just gonna focus on some individual appointments, that's all,” he says, but somehow it sounds forced.

Wonwoo, a close friend of Jun's, frowns and then grabs his own gear. He doesn't look back as he heads out of the practice room and Minghao is pretty sure that he is following their oldest Chinese member to talk to him. Minghao feels Soonyoung's puzzled gaze on him.

“Do you know what's with Jun lately?” he asks.

He just shrugs and negates. Deep down...he has a bad feeling.

 

********

 

The next day he decides to talk with Jun. Part of him is more than unwilling but he feels that he should clear things up. He doubts that Seungcheol told Jun about what Minghao had said to him. But...well, Minghao just wants to know how Jun convinced their manager to let Minghao stay home. He needs to make sure Jun didn't tell any weird stories that would potentially make Minghao look bad. Not that he actually thinks that Jun would do that...but the guy is impossible to read. So he just wants to make sure.

After practice he waits until most of their members have gone home. Then he slowly makes his way towards the company gym. It's on the ground floor, it's a spacious room with all sorts of gym machines, punching bags, barbells in all sorts of forms and with any imaginable weight and other utensils. He doesn't come here often; he rather exercises through dancing than lifting weights or running on the treadmill.

He hears a rhythmic thudding sound and as he opens the door, his eyes immediately fly to the only person currently occupying the gym: Jun. He's by the punching bags, his hands held up in a perfect guard position. He has his hands wrapped with boxing bandages and he's wearing MMA-gloves. He does a few complicated combos and doesn't seem to notice Minghao as he slowly approaches. Jun's sleeveless shirt is soaked with sweat, his brown hair sticks to his forehead and he has a hard, calculating look in his eyes. Minghao looks at his well-defined arms with envy. Jun ends a combo with a punishing, high round-house kick so hard that the punching bag flies to the side, the chains at the top screeching at the force. Minghao is once again reminded that, although Jun is bad at team sports, he's actually quite fit and athletic. He's done martial arts for most of his life and he's damn good at it. He kinda feels bad for all the times he made fun of the older for being bad at football or volleyball and called him unathletic and lazy. He's not actually unathletic, he's just trained in other areas.

Jun trips back, guard still up, before he relaxes and hugs the bag to slow down the swining movements. Minghao is sure that he has noticed him at this point, but he doesn't mention it. Neither does he spare a glance at him.

Minghao clears his throat. “Can we talk?”

“...Sure,” Jun replies, without looking.

Minghao bites his lips. He's getting annoyed again. “What did you tell manager-hyung?”

“That I want to go to China on my own.”

“Why?”

Jun looks at him for a brief moment. “There are auditions that I want to attend.”

He frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“Auditions. For TV dramas and films,” Jun says with a shrug.

“But why?!”

“Why not?”

Minghao swallows a mean curse sitting in his throat and instead he breathes deeply. He eyes Jun, who resumes hailing punishing strikes against the punching bag. Well, if he wants to auditions for some productions, it makes sense that he wants to buff up again. It would explain the weird diet and awful workout routines he's been putting himself through lately.

“...Why haven't you been home these days?”

“I was at Yanan's.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Minghao says impatiently. “But why?”

“Why not?”

He growls and shakes his head. Talking to him is just as useless as enduring his weird silence. God, Jun just pisses him off with everything that he does. Everything he does is just – is just annoying and wrong and it makes Minghao angry, although he doesn't even know why. He scoffs and then turns on his heel.

“See you tomorrow,” he growls.

“See you,” Jun replies, voice blank.

He doesn't turn around to him.

 

********

 

A few days later it is time to say goodbye. Jun's suitcase is packed and stands by the door. He's dressed in comfortable joggers and a hoodie, all black. Jun's dark outfit matches Minghao's mood. Truth be told, he's been cranky and moody ever since their small conversation in the company gym and he blames Jun. It if wasn't for Jun's – Jun's stupid attitude and silly answers, he wouldn't feel like this, he's sure. With a sour expression he watches how Jun hugs their members goodbye. He'll probably be gone for about two weeks. The man smiles as Soonyoung pulls him into a bone-breaking hug.

“Have a good flight,” Seungcheol says with a grin.

“Of course,” Jun smiles and hugs him.

“Be good, try to stay out of trouble,” Jeonghan smirks and pats his shoulder.

“I always stay out of trouble~”

Minghao rolls his eyes, but he forces himself to stand up from the sofa and walk over to the rest of his band members who are crowding around Jun and his luggage. Well, might as well be polite and tell him goodbye.

“Ok wait, but before you leave,” Chan suddenly says with a frown, “What the hell is going on with the two of you?”

That shuts everyone up and Minghao tries not to show his annoyance as their members look from him to Jun and back.

“We're good,” Jun smiles brightly.

“Then why isn't hyung going with you?” their maknae asks, confusion written all over his face.

Minghao feels bad that he is annoyed with their youngest member, obviously Chan wouldn't have a clue about what's going on and it's his every right to ask whether they're ok. But it annoys him nevertheless. This is between him and Jun, so no need to drag everyone else into it, too.

“I wanted to go on my own, so I got all the Carat love for myself,” Jun says with a wink.

“Jun-hyung will do well on his own,” Minghao adds with a fake smile. “Much better than when I'm there.”

Seems like Jun doesn't miss his sarcastic undertone, and apparently, neither does Jeonghan.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Jeonghan asks, his tone friendly, but his eyes watchful. “Minghao?”

Jun stares at him over the top of Chan's head. His eyes are dark and unreadable.

“Just saying that Jun's personality in China is loud enough for two of us, so no need for me to be there with him,” he says.

The atmosphere shifts in the kitchen. All of their members are silent, confusion clouds the room, he feels their questioning eyes on him and Jun, he feels their worry and on top of that, he feels that Jeonghan is getting annoyed. The blond man eyes him carefully; his smile is gone. Jun next to him doesn't say a word.

“You can't be serious,” Jeonghan says with a frown. “You're our Chinese members. We want both of you to represent our band, not just one.”

“Depends on how well that's executed, huh?” Minghao replies with a humoured snort. “Dare I say Jun-hyung isn't doing the best job at it.”

A gasp escapes their members and Minghao notices how the others slowly back away, frightened by the sudden toxic air around them. Suddenly Jun steps forward, before Jeonghan can say anything.

“Well, isn't that what you wanted?” he asks and for the first time, Minghao hears anger lacing his voice and he flinches. Jun's eyes are hard. “You wanted me to go alone so I won't embarrass you anymore, isn't that right?”

His heart lurches.

Jun knows.

Jun knows about his conversation with Seungcheol.

And what's why he doesn't even try to deny it. “Well, can you blame me?” he replies with a hiss.

“Guys, calm down -” Seungcheol starts, but the two Chinese members don't stop.

“What is your problem, Minghao?” Jun asks and now he sounds helpless and exasperated. “Why are you so angry with me?”

“Because – because you are the most fucking intolerable person I've ever met!” he shouts in Mandarin. “And I'm fucking sick of pretending to be your friend!”

Jun stares at him for a long moment, whilst their members watch them, obviously not following as they don't understand a word. However, at this point they can tell when him and Jun are cussing, and he doesn't miss the scared and questioning looks the youngest members now give Seungcheol.

Jun curses in a low voice.

“...You must be glad then, not having me around for two weeks,” he says in a low voice, in Korean however.

“Two weeks isn't enough.” He, too, switches back to Korean.

Jun laughs without humour. Minghao ignores the sadness filling his eyes.

“So you'd rather want me to leave the band?”

And he really, really doesn't know why he says these words to him. But he does.

“Well, would anyone even notice if you did?”

It's so silent in the kitchen he feels like he can actually hear Jun's heart break at his words. But he doesn't care. Jun's eyes widen, before he blinks rapidly and then looks away.

“Alright, Minghao, get the hell out of here right now,” Seungcheol growls at him. “You said enough.”

“No, it's fine,” Jun says and his voice sounds weird. He smiles in the most disturbing way as he just grabs his bag and suitcase. “I'm off now, anyway. See you guys.”

And without waiting for anyone to say another word, he strides towards the door. Wonwoo gives Minghao a disappointed look before him and Seungcheol follow Jun with quick steps, so do Mingyu and Chan, but Jeonghan gestures them to stay. The other members just stare, all of them at a loss. Chan now looks like he wants to cry. Minghao can hear muffled voices from the hallway and then the door opens and closes.

He feels too many eyes on himself. Suddenly he feels tired. He wants to turn around and disappear in his room, when Jeonghan grabs his shoulder and Minghao's heart sinks when he sees the pure fire spitting out of his eyes.

“Everyone else out. Minghao and I need to talk.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Please leave kudos and/or comments.
> 
> So yes, I hope you liked it! I know, Minghao is kind of mean and harsh in this chapter, but please don't think badly of him now, it will all turn out well.  
> Please tell me your thoughts concerning the first chapter! I'd love to hear from you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> first of all, thank you so much for all the kind reviews and comments and messages that reached me here and on tumblr. I'm so happy to see so many interested in my little story. So thank you so much for that.  
> I know I said that it would only be two chapters, but as I wrote this chapter I noticed that there were too many scenes I wanted to include, so I decided to make it a three-shot. I'm sorry about that, but I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy

**Jun**

 

It's past midnight when they land in Shanghai. He doesn't pay much attention as the airport staff usher him through customs and soon him and the two managers accompanying him are on the way to their hotel. The cab glides down endless streets, he sees the countless skyscrapers disappear in an ocean of storm clouds hanging low above the city, foreboding rain and wind. A never-ending stream of cars passes them by, the light of the street lanterns bathe the traffic in an orange glow. Jun sees people on the streets, shadows walking in the shadows, all of them breathing, dreaming human beings, oblivious to him. Uncaring.

In a way, it's comforting.

On the way one of his managers tells him tomorrow's schedule in all detail and he nods, barely registering the words more than necessary. He makes a mental note to wake up early so he can fit in a workout routine before breakfast.

As he is alone in his hotel room, he leaves his suitcase unpacked and instead heads straight for the shower. His phone is charging on his bed. He's tired, but he doesn't feel like sleeping, he's exhausted but he doesn't want to rest. It's a frustrating combination, one he feels way too often. He holds his face into the warm spray. For a moment he feels like he could forget the world. As he returns from the shower he has a dozen missed calls and too many messages to count. They crowd his display and with a snort he wipes them all way, but just as he is about to turn around, his phone buzzes. Wonwoo is calling him. He sighs, but picks up.

“Yeah?”

“Finally,” he hears him chide.

“Yeah, I forgot my phone was still on flight mode,” he explains mindlessly.

He puts his friend and band member on speaker phone and opens his suitcase. He puts on a random shirt. Now he feels a little better.

“How was your flight?”

Wonwoo's voice sounds off and Jun can hear the noise of traffic in the background. Seems like Wonwoo went outside their apartment to call.

“As usual.”

He hears him hum. Then: “You know...about earlier...”

He closes his eyes. “It's fine.”

“No – no, see, it's not fine. What he said to you -”

“He was just being honest,” he interrupts him. He laughs bitterly and then runs a hand through his damp hair. “He has every right to be mad at me.”

“No, listen, what he said was horrible and wrong. I can't believe you're actually defending him -”

“I'm not defending him,” he says slowly. “But...I guess I understand why he said what he said.”

“You're fucking _agreeing_ with him?”

“Not really, but -”

“Jun, stop,” Wonwoo's voice is loud now, laced with exasperation. “Stop it. Minghao was an asshole to you. You're not to blame.”

“But maybe I am,” he replies. “Maybe...I mean, I should've noticed what's been bothering him, but I didn't -”

“Fucking hell, do you even hear yourself talking?” Wonwoo cuts him off. “He told you to leave the band!”

“Not technically, he -”

“Christ, Jun!” Wonwoo shouts. “Maybe you don't think it's a big deal, but there are eleven other people in our band aside from you two. And this shit is fucking things up, alright? Chan has been bawling his eyes out since you left. Him, Hansol, Seungkwan and Mingyu are staying in a hotel for tonight and the rest has been keeping away from the kitchen and from what I've heard, Jeonghan is still yelling at Minghao. This is fucking with all of us. So don't fucking give me that bullshit, what he did was wrong and he's gonna have to apologise.”

Jun doesn't know what to say to that, so he remains silent, while the thoughts explode in his head and he worries for his members. Damn it....just because... Fuck it, he tried to deal with this on his own, but of course Minghao had to blow off steam in the kitchen, with everyone present. He'd thought things would cool down over the period that he's gone, and afterwards he would've maybe talked things through with Minghao... but alas. He sighs and rubs his eyes. He's too tired for this.

“Jun?”

“...Well, what shall I say?” he mumbles. “I'm sorry that -”

“You don't have to apologise. It's not your fault.”

“If it wasn't for me, none of this would've happened.”

He can hear Wonwoo's soft cursing. “I knew you would say that.”

“Hey, but – you know, don't treat him differently now, ok? He was just being honest. What he said had nothing to do with you guys. Or the band. It's me he's angry at.”

Wonwoo sighs. “I don't know. He said that shit to you, not me – but I feel bad, anyway And pissed off. Like he's mocking us. It sucks.”

“I'm sure it wasn't his intention.”

Wonwoo lets out a long exhale, before he clears his throat.

“We'll see... Anyway, I'll go back inside now...”

“Alright...take care of the others, ok?”

Wonwoo hums. “Sure. Good night.”

“Night. Thanks for calling.”

 

********

 

Two days later, Jun scans the barcode of the protein bar into his phone. His app immediately comes up with a whole list of all nutrients included in this particular bar, how many calories it has in relation to his ideal daily intake and all these other fancy things he usually doesn't give a damn about. However, there are a few particular roles he's got his eye on, the auditions are this week and next – and in order to buff up, he needs to train his ass off while at the same time eat lots of food in order to build up more muscle instead of just losing weight. It's not like he dislikes working out and he sure as hell likes eating – but doing it to this extent feels ridiculous and it's exhausting. Well, whatever, he doesn't mind as long as he'll get the roles. And carats are gonna love it anyway, he's sure about that.

He takes a bite from the protein bar and grimaces. Tastes like artificial fruit coated with a skinny layer of chocolate so thin he's positive he's just imagining it. He sighs and resumes looking out of the car window at the streets of Shanghai. He and his managers are making their way to a photo shoot. It's the last appointment for today; he can rest for the remains of the evening, which he won't anyway, because he will continue to practice for the auditions and do another workout routine. Oh, and he'll have to stuff his face again. He rolls his eyes only thinking about it. Hopefully this madness will be worth it.

His phone vibrates in his pocket an he hesitates a moment before he pulls it out. He has barely been in contact with his band members. Partially he feels bad because of that, but truth be told, they all tell him the same and he doesn't want to hear it.

Yes, he knows that he's not the one to blame for Minghao's words. Yes, he knows that they love him and want him back as soon as possible. He appreciates it, he really does, but as of now, the comforting texts and voice mails of his members all feel like thorns piercing his eyes and ears. He just can't deal with all of that right now. He really can't.

Because, truth be told, he knows that it's his own fault. If it wasn't....if it wasn't for his decision a few years back, perhaps things wouldn't be the way they are now. But how could he know, how could his young teenage self know what would happen so much further down the line?

Jun sighs and lifts his phone to his eyes. Seungcheol is calling him. He rolls his eyes, but takes the call, anyway.

“Hey hyung,” he greets and tries his best to sound lively.

“How're you doing?” the oldest member asks. “How's everything going?”

Jun briefly tells him about the schedules the last few days. Seungcheol listens carefully and congratulates him for his hard work. He also asks about Jun's auditions and he answers truthfully. His stomach feels tight. He has a feeling why Seungcheol is calling. He glances at his managers, but they don't pay any attention to him.

“Jun...well, there's something -”

“We really don't have to talk about it,” he says quickly. “Really. I'm fine.”

Seungcheol lets out a soft curse and then his voice becomes stern. “Yeah, I thought you'd say that. But listen, and I'm saying this as your band leader: You and Minghao need to get your shit together.”

He swallows dryly. It's not often Seungcheol is being so resolute it borders on aggressive. But then again it's not everyday their members tell each other to practically leave the band. Seems appropriate alright.

“It's not like I've got a problem with him,” Jun says quietly.

“He clearly sees that differently.”

“I know. But – look, I'm gonna fix it. But not now,” he says. “I'll fix it. But I can't do much from here.”

“Jun, me and everyone else heard what Minghao said that night. We know you're not to blame. But that stuff has screwed with all of us. I can feel distrust and doubt between our members and I can't have that.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“So fix that issue between you and Minghao. Otherwise I'll have to tell management about it.”

“Hyung -”

“And I really don't want that. You two are adults, so act like it, have I made myself clear?”

He sighs. “Yeah.”

Seungcheol's tone becomes softer. “Ok. I'm sorry I have to be so strict, but it hurts to see everyone like that.”

“I understand, no worries,” Jun mumbles. His managers motion him that they'll arrive soon. “Anyway, I need to go now. Thanks for the call, hyung.”

“Work hard.”

“Of course. Talk to you soon.”

He hangs up. He's hoping he won't have to talk to him again until he is back in Korea.

 

********

 

He thinks that the audition went well. His knees still feel weak and shaky as he steps back into the waiting area. He relaxes his shoulders and hopes that the casting staff for the project didn't notice his nervousness. He runs a hand through his hair. His managers are nowhere to be seen, so he flops back down on one of the stools and pulls his phone from his pocket. He's typing a message to his mother when he hears the doors opening, he doesn't pay any attention – when suddenly an oddly familiar voice calls his name.

“Wen Junhui!”

He looks up and recognises his old manager, the woman who'd worked with him when he'd still been a child actor. His eyes almost pop out of his skull at her sight and he jumps up to bow deeply.

The woman laughs warmly. “My, you've gotten so handsome, Junhui.”

He grins and approaches her. Now he's a lot taller than her, but as he looks at her now, he thinks he's six years old again and she's slowly, gradually introducing him to the world of acting. She has barely aged at all.

He also greets the young girl next to her.

“What a pleasant surprise,” he says softly.

“I've heard that you're working in Korea now, is that right?” the woman asks.

He briefly tells her about their band and that he's working as an idol now. He tells her about his members and their activities and he feels proud as her eyes shine with sincere approval.

“It seems you're doing well, Junhui,” she says kindly. “But – if I may ask, what are you doing here?”

He blushes a little. “Well...although I work in in the Korean music industry now, I thought I might try to get back into acting...”

She hums. “I'm glad to hear that. I was sad when I heard you'd stopped your activities in China. It's good to see you return and pick up where you've left off.”

He nods. “I'll do my best.”

He eyes shine. “I know you will.”

Jun would've loved to continue the conversation, but right that moment his managers come back and he hastily excuses himself and says his goodbye. He's almost out of the door, when his manager taps his shoulder and as he turns around, she hands him her business card.

“Call me if you need anything,” she says.

He swallows and bows again. He feels touched by that, more than he can express. So he simply breathes: “Thank you.”

“Take care, Junhui.”

 

********

 

Being part of a group with many member has taught Jun about humility early on. In his early years he'd worked himself up over the fact that nearly every person in their group is disposable, as unkind as it sounds. However, they are all aware that even if people would miss, the group would still be able to function. Sure, fans would notice if a member wasn't there, but it's not like the presence of a member or the lack thereof would be so overly important to the success of the performance overall.

It's best shown whenever Jun and Minghao are in China and their member have to perform as eleven, instead of thirteen. Jun once read the comments underneath such a performance and his heart had felt empty when he'd read carats commenting how they hadn't noticed their absence at all. Of course, it's a compliment to their members, but for him...well, not so much.

Now that he is older it still bothers him sometimes, but not as much as before. In a way it's comforting to know that even if someone – let's say Jun – were to be absent for an indefinite amount of time, their band would still be successful and loved. That is one of the reasons Jun decided to give acting another chance, after he'd turned his back on that path in his teenage years to become a trainee for Pledis. He knows that his friends will do well, with or without him. Yet his heart feels warm as he is on the phone with Chan a few days later. He's just finished his workout routine and now he's relaxing. He'll head for the shower after the call and then finally get some sleep after a day that started at the break of dawn.

“Hyung, come back home...,” Chan says for the umpteenth time. “The room is boring without you.”

He snorts. “Seungkwannie can't entertain you?”

“No, now he's always out filming some variety show...”

Jun can clearly hear the pout in his voice.

“What about everyone else?”

Chan lets out an undefinable sound between a grunt and a sigh. “I don't know... everyone else is weird since you left.”

He can clearly read between the lines that their members are still affected by that...fateful night a week ago. He grimaces. He'd hoped that things would've calmed down a little at this point, but seems like he'd been too optimistic in that regard.

“Give them some time. I'm sure everyone will be back to normal soon,” Jun says after a moment. He tries his best to sound positive. “Otherwise, just come visit me here in Shanghai. Hyung will buy you all the dishes you want.”

That makes Chan laugh a little, before he becomes solemn again. “And...hyung, have you...you know, talked to -”

“I haven't,” he answers without waiting for their maknae to finish.

“He – uh – he doesn't talk much anymore. Not even during practice.”

Jun chews on his lip. “Be nice to Minghao, ok?”

“But, hyung -”

“Chan, please. Don't treat him differently, ok?”

He hears him sigh. “...Ok. But – listen, I didn't like what he said to you.”

His chest fills with adoration for their youngest member. “Thank you.”

“And...hyung, you're not leaving the band, are you?”

He hesitates a second too long before he breathes: “No, of course not.”

 

********

 

He gets invited for the second round of auditions three days later. He doesn't have any schedules that afternoon, so he lounges around in his hotel room, when he receives the call from his manager. He's supposed to come see the casting directors coming week. Which means that he'll have to stay in Shanghai longer than planned. His managers tell him that they'll arrange everything at home, so that he can attend the recall.

His heart flutters with excitement and he feels a rare spark of pride fill his chest, before he sobers up immediately. This means nothing, the roles aren't set yet, everything's still undecided – but at least he's somewhat presented himself in a halfway believable manner, which is reassuring. He'll practice even more from now on.

It doesn't take long until the first messages flood his phone. Of course, their management at home surely already told Seungcheol about everything, and he, in turn, told everyone else. Jun doesn't pay much attention to the texts yet, he'll answer them later – but he does wonder how Minghao reacted to the news. Surely relieved, everyday without Jun's presence seems to be heaven to the younger man. Or maybe, perhaps, he feels guilty. Minghao is a stubborn piece of work, but Jun knows there is heart beating inside of him, and it's tender for their band members, in fact it is tender for everyone but him. He's known that for a long time. Well, to be honest, Jun himself is mostly to blame for that.

Later his phone starts buzzing and won't stop. He can see that it's Chan calling him. He doesn't actually want to answer, but he doesn't have the heart to ignore the younger man so he takes the call.

“Hey -”

“You said you're not gonna leave the band!” Chan yells and Jun flinches.

“I'm not.”

“Then why aren't you coming back?!”

“Because the casting process takes longer,” he explains patiently.

Chan grumbles on the other end of the line. “I want you to come back -”

Suddenly, another voice chimes in. “That Jun?”

Jun immediately recognises Jeonghan's voice and he closes his eyes. Damn it. He shouldn't have answered at all. He honestly isn't in the mood for the second oldest member to lecture him.

“Yeah...”

“Let me talk to him.”

There's a rustling and then Jeonghan's voice is louder and clearer now. And it's a mix of exasperation and amusement.

“Jun?”

“Hey, hyung...”

“Alright, care to explain why you ignore _my_ calls but not Chan's?”

He clears his throat.. “...Because he's the youngest?” he says carefully.

He can basically hear Jeonghan rolling his eyes at him through the damn phone. “Su~re. Anyway, Seungcheol told me you're staying longer?”

“Yeah, maybe a week or so.”

“Because...?”

“The auditions...”

He hears Jeonghan sigh. “Just the auditions?”

He knows what he's trying to say, and for a moment Jun doesn't really know what to answer. Well, it's not like he's purposefully trying to stay away longer than necessary...but it's not like he's ungrateful for this turn of events, either. He...he likes being home with his members, but right now he doesn't think it's the place for him to be.

“Jun, are you avoiding us?” Jeonghan sounds softer now, and his words lace with worry. Of course, he's ever the carer of the group.

“No, why would I?” he replies a bit too hasty.

“Well, I wouldn't blame you if you did, you know? After what happened -”

“Hyung, listen,” he interrupts him. “Look, I will fix that. But just let me – let me stay here a while longer. I will fix everything, but I need more time for...for these projects, ok?”

Jeonghan sighs. “I believe you. I really do. But to be honest, I doubt that Minghao would want that. I don't think he wants to fix this, whatever it is between you – frankly I think he wants it gone entirely.”

Jun bites his lip. “...Did you talk to him?”

“I did.”

“Don't be too hard on him, hyung. He's....he's just angry.”

“Yeah, Wonwoo told me you'd say something like that. I admire your kindness, Jun, but what he said wasn't just rude, it was fucking wrong.”

“He -”

“Yes, he said it to you, but if affects all of us. We are one, remember?”

He exhales slowly. “I'll fix it all. I promise.”

Even if it means...

 

********

 

He learns by the end of the third week in Shanghai that he got the role. He gets the news in the early evening as he's down in the hotel gym. His managers come running to him, hard, determined looks on their faces, and Jun immediately stops his reps on the butterfly machine and takes the call. He nearly drops the phone from his fingers and a sense of unbelievable relief floods him. They tell him that they'll get in contact with his management soon to schedule everything else and after Jun thanks the casting director, they end the call.

He turns to his managers with a wide grin.

“I got it.”

He has had a vague idea given the role description, but after he's confirmed they tell him about the whole concept of the series. So it's a Chinese drama that is supposed to be aired on Netflix only – a Netflix original, so to say – and the theme is rather dark, violent – and surprisingly sexy, Jun finds out with mild concern.

Well, the plot is set in some sort of grungy, futuristic version of Shanghai. The protagonists are a bunch of criminology students. They go about their everyday university lives, worrying about the regular things, until one of the professors is found dead in the lecture hall. Obviously, the criminology students investigate on their own and find out some dirty secrets about the professor, the whole faculty – and eventually they also start to suspect each other.

Jun auditioned for the role of the best friend of the protagonist. It's a supporting role, yet he has fairly many speaking scenes, many combat scenes, too....and two sex scenes.

Well, it's a Netflix series after all. Of course they have to make it...appealing to older audiences. Apparently they're not only targeting their domestic market, but they want to try and gather a huge Western audience, as well – and they believe adding such mature themes would make it more interesting to people in the west. The production director is an Asian-American, and the two lead roles, as well as some supporting roles are played by Asian-American actors respectively. And they'll all have to do fuck scenes.

In any case, Jun isn't thrilled about the fact. At all. But he'll have to do it anyway, so there's no sense in complaining.

On his flight back to Seoul he's already studying the script. There's a lot to memorise and research. Filming will start in two months; he needs to be ready when the time has come. He wants to do his very best. Mixed feelings battle in his heart as he climbs out of the cab. It's already night time here in Seoul. He has only been gone for three weeks, yet it feels like an eternity since he last stepped foot out of the dorm. He sighs deeply. He looks forward to seeing his members again, but...well. The issue between himself and Minghao hasn't just magically disappeared. He'll have to deal with that, one way or another, and he'll have to do it soon.

He grabs his luggage. Time to come home.

He's barely through the door when a small ball of energy jumps into his arms and hugs him so hard he believes his ribs might crack. He stumbles backwards, his arms flailing around until one ropes around Chan's shoulders, the other hand grabs the nearest edge – which is the door frame – to steady them both.

“Finally!” Chan grins and leans back to look at him.

Jun snorts but can't help but grin back at their youngest member. “Yeah, took a bit longer...”

“You should've called! I would've come pick you up from the airport!”

Chan immediately starts chatting about all the things he's missed during his absence and walks ahead. Jun kicks his shoes off and reaches for his luggage only to realise that the younger has already taken his bag and suitcase to their shared room. Jun smiles. His heart feels warm. Ah, he's missed their maknae. He moves to the kitchen just as Wonwoo turns around the corner. His band member's face lights up as he sees him. He pulls Jun into a brotherly hug and pats his back.

“Man, I swear you've gotten even bigger during these three weeks,” Wonwoo says, his voice a mix of awe and envy. “The hell did they do with you over there?”

“Don't ask,” Jun says with a wink. He looks down at himself. “Does it show, though?”

“Yeah.”

Well, at least the insane workout routines and the never-ending eating are paying off, apparently.

Wonwoo tells him that most of their members are either out or have gone home over the weekend. Chan comes to join him and together they settle in the living room. Apparently, they're the only ones here at the moment. He tells his friends that he has been cast for one of the dramas he's auditioned for and they congratulate him, bombarding him with questions and both promise him to definitely binge the show as soon as it's available on Netflix. Jun grins at that, although it's still a long way from here. But it's nice to know that his friends look forward to it.

“What kinda series is it, anyway? A comic book adaption?”

“Hm, I don't think it's an adaption,” Jun muses. “But it might not be for Chan, though.”

“What, why the hell not?” Chan immediately protests.

Jun's eyes lock with Wonwoo. Wonwoo looks at him for a moment, before he snorts – of course he understands.

“Yeah, you'll have to leave the room when it comes on,” Wonwoo starts to tease the maknae.

“Why?!”

Chan looks from Jun to Wonwoo and back, clearly upset and confused, and it takes a few more ambiguous remarks from the two elder for him to understand. Jun can practically see the realisation dawn on his face and a moment later an adorable blush explodes on his cheeks.

“You – you have to do _that_?” he asks, his voice suspiciously low and quivering with excitement.

“Yeah.”

“What – but aren't the fans gonna be jealous?!”

“To be honest,” Wonwoo snorts, “I think they'll love it. The more skin they see, the better.”

And it's not like Jun and his co-stars will actually fuck in front of a camera. But he doesn't voice that thought.

Wonwoo and Chan fill him in on the fact that their comeback date is set. It's six weeks from now – which isn't necessarily a problem, but it might clash with his filming schedule. He grimaces. He'll have to talk to management about that. Surely they won't be happy but they can all work around one member missing, as they have proven time and time again. Hardly anyone would mind Jun's absence.

He sighs deeply. He'll probably spend the next few days locked inside the recording studio. Ah well, whatever. It's good to be back.

Later that night he can't sleep all too well. Seungkwan and Chan are both in deep slumber; Jun, however, feels wide awake, although he is exhausted. He sighs. Perhaps it's the post-stress insomnia, after he'd run from one appointment to the other during the past three weeks. He'd hardly given his body and mind any time to recover for he'd filled every available minute with something useful. And now...well, his body is exhausted, but his mind won't rest.

He swings his legs over the edge of the mattress and decides to go to the living room and play some games on his phone. He settles on the sofa. He's absorbed in his games, when he hears the door being unlocked. He looks up when the footsteps enter the living room. He has a greeting on his lips, but as he sees who it is, the words die on his tongue.

He'd wondered how he'd react the moment he'd see Minghao again. Jun'd wondered whether he'd be angry at him, curse him, demand an apology, but deep down he'd known that he'd be quiet, just the way he usually is.

Minghao looks at him, eyes widening before they narrow to two slits. Jun internally rolls his eyes at him. Here they go again. The younger man looks at him, before he clears his throat.

“You're back,” he says in Mandarin. Every syllable sounds like spiked with thorns.

“I am,” Jun simply replies.

His mind races, his heart beats hard inside his chest, although he doesn't know why. It's nuts.

“...When did you get here?” Minghao asks. It doesn't sound like he actually cares. More like he's just willing himself to make a conversation...to avoid worse.

Jun finds that he looks forlorn, the way he stands in the middle of the living room, his shoulders are drawn up, an unhappy frown sits on his face. He doesn't seem like someone who's just returned home. He just looks like someone.

“Few hours ago.”

He wonders what Minghao thinks about now. He wonders whether Minghao is glad to see him. Probably not, given his grimace. He probably wonders why Jun couldn't stay away longer. The thought fills Jun with sadness, but mostly with resignation. Perhaps that's just the way it'll be from now on. Well, unless he apologises, but Jun sincerely, from the bottom of his heart, doubts that Minghao will ever apologise. It would mean that the younger would admit that he was wrong.

Nah, not gonna happen.

Minghao looks away for a moment, before he looks Jun in the eyes again. Jun thinks he looks pale. And a little ill.

“Alright then,” Minghao grits out.

Jun doesn't reply. And with that Minghao leaves him alone. Although he doesn't. Not really.

 

********

 

**Minghao**

 

A ghost returned from Shanghai, not his band member. That Minghao is sure of, because frankly, Jun just appears and disappears without a word and days go by without Minghao actually seeing him, much less talking to him. It irks him, although he doesn't know why.

Minghao had wondered how Jun would react once he'd be back. He imagined different scenarios, he'd imagined Jun yelling at him, cursing him, he'd imagined a big, horrible fight, perhaps days of poison between them...but somehow he'd known that it would be just like this.

Silent.

And empty.

Jun treats Minghao just like before he left. He is polite when spoken to, he occasionally smiles, but aside from that, there's nothing. Minghao's headaches are getting worse again.

The atmosphere in their dorm is still off, to be honest. But perhaps everyone is just getting used to the new... _them_. He certainly is, or at least he tries to. But it's not entirely easy when he still feels his friends' quiet reproval and reproach radiating off of them whenever he's near. He tried to make them understand that it's not _them_ he's annoyed with – but they think that him criticising Jun means that he's criticising their team. Which is not the case, but it's hard to make them see that.

Jun doesn't talk, unless he's spoken to, just like before. He does his best to learn the new choreographies, he spends hours and days in the recording studio, he attends schedules diligently, but something about him seems off, Minghao finds. Well, not like he's an expert on the older man, but...well, before there'd been something like life in Jun's eyes. Something like...joy. Now he's just vacant. Minghao refuses to believes that he's to blame for that. It's been more than two weeks that Jun has returned. And now they all live with a ghost. Could be worse.

They end practice late. Their band members head home, whilst Jun grabs his gear and at this point all of them know that he's going to the company gym to work out again. He's buffed up quite a bit at this point. Minghao knows that it's for that Netflix series he's been cast for. Well, if he's got a shirtless scene, the fans will probably faint at his sight. Minghao is about to get his bag when Jeonghan steps next to him.

“A word?” he asks, although they both know it's not a question.

Minghao's stomach tightens. He still remembers the yelling Jeonghan gave him in vivid detail after his fight with Jun. He's not keen to relive the memory so soon. They're the last ones left in the practice room. The blond looks at him with sharp eyes.

“Have you guys talked?” he gets straight to the point.

“...Not really,” he says truthfully.

“So I take it that you haven't apologised yet?”

He looks away. Frankly he still doesn't know why the hell he should apologise, since it was Jun who just – who just ruined everything! He chews on his lip, unsure how to respond, when Jeonghan let's out a sigh that ends in a growl. Minghao dares to look at him again and he flinches. The pure anger on his face makes Minghao want to escape the practice room as fast as he can. Jeonghan may usually be an angel, but when he's pissed off...he's like a fucking force of nature.

“I'll say this once and I'm not gonna repeat myself. Fix. This. I don't fucking care if you have to beg on your fucking knees for him to forgive you, but I want you and Jun to fucking make up and end this bullshit. The band is suffering because of this, everyone is affected by this and I'm not gonna watch you two ruin everything we've worked for. So either you fix it or I'll make sure that you're both kicked out of the flat, you understand!?”

Minghao feels like he just got a kick straight to the guts. His rebellious side wants to protest, wants to argue – but one look at Jeonghan has him silent. The older looks dead serious. Minghao knows that he isn't fucking around, not this time.

“...Ok...”

Jeonghan gives him one last glance, before he grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder.

“See you at home,” he says, his voice neutral now.

Minghao just nods and watches the elder leave the room without looking back.

He lets out a deep sigh and it takes him forever to walk to the corner where he placed his bag. He pulls his phone out, his earphones – but then he decides otherwise. Might as well get it over with so his members stop nagging him. He stuffs his phone in his pocket and makes his way toward the company gym.

Jun is doing breakdance push-ups. He does a push-up – on his fists to go easy on his wrists – and then turns so that he faces the ceiling. He does another elegant turn and does another push-up. Minghao approaches him and clears his throat. He knows that the elder has seen him enter the gym, but as usual, Jun is silent. They're the only ones here.

“Can we talk?” he asks and he's weirdly reminded of the last conversation they'd had here in the gym.

“About what?” Jun replies.

“...Seriously?” he scoffs.

Jun ends his set and stands up. He walks over to his bag and pulls out a towel. Minghao follows him. Jun checks the time and then turns around to him. They haven't been this close since...he can't even recall. Minghao's eyes glide up and down the older's body. Yeah, he's definitely worked out a lot. Yet instead of healthy he just seems manic, in a way. He looks tired and exhausted, and it makes him look older. More mature. How can someone change so much over the span of just a few weeks?

“...So?” Jun says. His voice is void of emotion. Just like his eyes.

Minghao bites his lip. The words feel like thorns on his tongue.

“About...what happened.”

Jun just stares at him. Silent.

“Listen, I'm...sorry,” he grits out and it sounds so fucking fake he wants to laugh.

He has never heard a more obvious lie in his life. Jun waits for a second longer, but he's got no more to say, and the older shrugs.

“Fine.”

“I – what?”

“It's fine,” Jun says and drops the towel. “You done?”

Minghao stares at him. Alright, he knows that the elder man is a weirdo – but he did kinda expect a little more than just 'fine'. He expected at least something like an emotion, a little more of a reaction. This is almost as ridiculous as his obvious lie.

“Really? That's it?” he frowns.

“Yeah. What else do you wanna hear?” Jun asks.

“Well, maybe you should be angry at me? Pissed off?!”

Jun snorts.

“Well, maybe you kinda overestimate how much your opinion actually matters to me, Minghao,” he says quietly.

He didn't expect the sharp pain tearing into his heart.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” he hisses.

Jun suddenly takes a step forward and now he's so close, closer than they've been in a long time, and Minghao senses the heat radiating off of him, he can see the broad chest rise and fall with every breath, he can see the lines of his pecs underneath his shirt, and the thin sheen of sweat covering his skin. He doesn't know why the fuck he blushes. But he does. And he hates it.

Jun's eyes bore into his own.

“I'm alright with the way things are now. You didn't need to come here,” he says. “We both know you suck at lying.”

With that he walks past him, and he sits down on the butterfly machine to do a new set of reps. Minghao wants to turn around to him, tell him he's wrong – but deep down he knows that it's no use. It's true, he's a bad liar. And...well, if Jun is fine with the way things are now, why should he still worry? He'll have to tell his members about this...he'll tell them that there are no hard feelings between them. They don't need to know that there are no feelings left between them at all. Jun and him can continue like this, no problem – they can both work together professionally. And if this is how it's going to be behind the scenes, then it's alright with him.

At least that's what Minghao tries to tell himself as he heads down to the garage. Jun doesn't come home that night.

 

********

 

**Jun**

 

He grits his teeth as he pulls his sock down. His ankle is angry red and swollen. He touches it and suppresses a pained groan. A fuck. His skin is scorching hot and throbs with pain. He grimaces and pulls the fabric back up. He hears the staff call his name and he quickly unlocks the bathroom stall and heads back to the waiting area. His members are warming up, all of them focused and ready and pumped for their performances. His eyes glide to Minghao. He has earphones in, his eyes are closed, he seems relaxed. Seokmin next to him passes Jun a brief smile, before he looks at his phone again. Make-up artists buzz around them, trying to make them look picture perfect.

They're about to perform in front of carats at KBS Music Bank. It's their third comeback performance and just as he'd thought, their comeback and his shooting schedules clash. He came back yesterday morning and he'll have to fly back to Shanghai tonight, right after they're done. He'll miss two performances and a radio appearance, but his members will do well without him.

No one will notice his absence, anyway.

He does his best to hide his limp. Ah fuck, he shouldn't have overdone it, but during his practice fighting matches on set he'd sprained his foot, but insisted on continuing until he'd know the combat choreo by heart.

Now his foot is on fire. And he'll have to dance two of their new choreographies in a few minutes, and there are some risky jumps in it – as usual his members had to make the choreo as fucking complicated as possible – and worst is that he has an especially difficult jump after the second verse of the second song, after which he'll sing two lines. How the fuck is he going to do that?

Fuck this. He curses his stupidity but there's no time to ask his members to switch positions. The shitty thing is that the songs are back to back, with only a short break in-between. The first song is rather easy, more of a relaxed choreo, but the second is an explosion and he already hates it.

He flinches when Seungcheol calls for all of them to come together. Jun sets his jaw and makes his way over, he tries to will away the pain as much as possible. Do they have painkillers here? Anything? He looks around, but there is no time. He'll have to do it somehow. Doesn't matter how. He just needs to get through these next few minutes and pray his foot may carry him until the very end.

 

********

 

**Minghao**

 

He blinks as he notices Jun limping on stage. It's not very obvious, but as someone who'd had to spend so much time with the elder he can't help but notice the subtle way he walks and tries not to put too much weight on his left foot. He frowns. Is he hurt? But it's too late to ask him as the stage director motions them to move into their starting formation for the first song. His heart beats quickly inside his chest, excited to perform for their fans. Their comeback got great responses this time around, their fans love the new songs, they had some amazing reviews written about them, it's all going well. Almost too well.

When he performs, his vision is usually unfocused, he stares into the audience without seeing, he blasts through the performances without hearing their fans, without hearing the fanchants, it's like he's on autopilot, flying through his high as he dances his heart out on the stage he loves so much. They get through the first song perfectly, and after a short break in which all he does is trying to get air into his lungs, while the staff members help him into the next outfit, the second performance begins. It's going well, the jumps all come clean, as far as Minghao sees, one more time Jun will do his spinning jump -

Minghao's heart lurches as he watches from the back how Jun lands and suddenly his foot gives way beneath him. He can actually fucking _hear_ the pained gasp leave the man's lips as he lands on his knee, before he continues to sing, his voice stable, although filled with a layer of pain. Minghao can see how his other members give the man worried glances and Jun stands back up and Minghao watches with growing horror how Jun forces his body through the rest of the choreography.

As they're done, the fan's applause booms in his ears, but all he can think of is Jun's injury. As soon as the beams are off, his head whips around to look at him and he sees how Jun crouches down, holding his left ankle with pain written across his face. A second later Wonwoo and Mingyu are at is side and help him limp backstage. Minghao follows. His heart aches inside his chest, although it's not him who's hurt.

 

********

 

**Jun**

 

“Why didn't you say anything?” Seungcheol shouts at him.

His members are pooled around him. He sits on a chair. The stage medic is already with him and examines his ankle. The pain throbs in his foot as if a thousand burning needles were stuck in his skin, grating the bone. The pain is so bad he feels like puking. Hell, this fucking sucks.

“Does it hurt?” the medic asks and turns Jun's foot in his hands.

Jun grits his teeth and nods. If he'd opened his mouth, he's sure he would've let out the most depressing whimper in the history of hurt idols.

“Jun, you should've said something,” Jeonghan says gently.

“I thought it would be fine,” he replies. Then he looks at the medic. “I – I need to be at the airport soon...”

“No worries, I'll be done in no time...”

“You can't think of flying tonight? Not when you're like this!?” the second eldest asks. “Jun!”

“Gotta shoot tomorrow,” Jun replies with a grave voice.

It's not like he _wants_ to do it like this – with his ankle at war with the rest of his body – but it's not like he can help it. The film crew members are waiting for him, his co-stars are waiting for him. He can't let them down. He'll make it work somehow. He always does, anyway. No matter at what cost.

He gets strong painkillers and the medic spreads cool ointment onto the swelling, before tightly wrapping his ankle and foot in thick white bandages. Afterwards Jun's foot doesn't feel like dying anymore, but that might be due to the painkillers in his system. At the very least he's ok to fly tonight. And tomorrow...he'll see.

“Hyung, you're hurt,” Chan says to him, his brows knitted together with worry.

Jun smiles at the younger member and ruffles his hair. “I'll be fine.”

He has to be.

He is already on his way to the staff exit to catch his cab when he hears a familiar voice call after him in Mandarin.

“Jun, wait!”

He stops in his tracks and turns around to Minghao.

“What?” he asks.

He honestly doesn't have the nerve for the younger's bullshit right now. Minghao looks at him and Jun can't read that expression on his face. His features are overshadowed by something he can't quite point and it irritates him. What does Minghao want? He should be happy, he'll be rid of Jun for the next few days.

“...Are you going to be ok?” Minghao asks to his great surprise.

Hah. It almost sounds like he might actually worry about him.

“...Why asking? You don't care either way, do you?” he replies.

He doesn't know why Minghao looks appalled and hurt at his words. Jun glances at him one last time before he turns around. He doesn't look back.

 

********

 

He'd expected the fuck scenes to be uncomfortable. He didn't expect to move so far out of his comfort zone he's ready to give up the role entirely. Shit, this is hell and there's no end in sight. He has a towel wrapped around his bare torso to keep him warm. His female co-star is currently surrounded by the make-up artists. She, too, has a towel wrapped around her body for she's in nothing but jeans and underwear.

Jun's ears are still on fire. They thankfully filmed the part...where they undress. And now they gotta do the scene in which...well, in which they wildly make out before they land on the bed.

He runs a hand through his hair. How is he going to survive this day? He barely knows what he's doing, the kisses feel empty and hollow and although it's not the first time he's kissing someone – it feels more than uncomfortable, it borders on a physical pain. And he can't even complain, because he knew that this would happen and he took the role anyway. Fuck this.

He carefully moves his left foot around. He needs to put ointment on it every morning and evening, but the swelling has lessened. He stills needs to wear an elastic bandage, but that doesn't bother him too much. It's been six days since that music show performance. His members are doing well without him from what he's seen. Maybe they'll do a video log later tonight; if they do, then he'll watch it and with his heart he'll be there with them.

The scene director calls for them. He steps to the point of the room where they'd filmed the previous scene. The staff give them some last directions. Thankfully the scene doesn't have any actual lines, aside from some improvised curses and murmurs. But even that is difficult when Jun needs to pretend...well, to be so into someone that he wants to fuck their brains out. The girl gives him a resignated smile. She's pretty and nice, but she seems just as uncomfortable with this as he is.

“They told me that we should just think about someone else,” she whispers to him.

“Really?” he murmurs back.

There are still voices in the background, the staff need to readjust some cameras and light beams, so they have a few more moments until the director will give them the green light.

The girl nods. “You got someone in mind?” she asks playfully.

He shrugs. “Not really. You?”

“My boyfriend.”

What an elegant way to tell him that she's in a relationship. Not like he cares. She's pretty, yes, but that's about it. Kissing her feels awkward and empty, Jun is more than aware that he's not attracted to her. Suddenly it gets quiet around them and two stylists take the towels away from their upper bodies. Now Jun stands in nothing but jeans, and the girl in jeans and her bra. He feels his ears heating up again as he wraps his arms around her body. Christ, he isn't going to survive this day, he knows it. Her arms lock around his neck.

“You're too stiff,” she whispers. “Think of someone else, not me.”

He nods.

The cameras roll.

He kisses her, slowly at first, until they hastily increase the pace – as stated in the script – and he lets his hands wander, over the bare skin he can touch, he does his best to give his movements urgency, he needs to get that hunger across that his character feels, that desperate, wild desire for the other. His eyes are closed.

Her lips open against him and he wills himself not to flinch away as her tongue slides against his own. Her fingers tangle painfully in his hair, the long nails scratch over his scalp. He moves away from her lips, internally grateful for the few moments of breathing, and kisses down her neck.

_Think of someone else, not me..._

Her hands pull him back up to kiss him again. They slowly stumble backwards, following an invisible path towards the bedroom. Jun's hands slide down the slim waist, all the way down to wrap around slender thighs, hard and wiry from years of dancing.

He lifts _him_ up, urges _him_ to wrap his legs around his waist and _he_ complies, sighing into the kiss. Jun kisses back with new-found hunger, his greed claws into his insides as he carries _him_ toward the bed, the front of his jeans pressing into _him_. They both hiss at the contact and he swallows the weak moan coming from _his_ lips as he gently sets the lithe body onto the mattress. He crawls forward between the spread knees and he's pulled in by eager fingers, hot lips open against his own and the next kiss steals his very last resolve from him.

“Fuck...,” he breathes.

“CUT!” someone yells and he flinches. “That was perfect, guys! Well done.”

“Wow, holy shit...,” the girl breathes before she laughs and falls back into the pillows.

Jun looks down at her, and for a moment he is disoriented, for a brief second he has no idea where he is and what the hell he is doing. But then it all comes rushing back. He's on set, filming a scene with one of his female co-stars. In the next scene they'll fuck and this is the build-up to that.

His eyes drop to his hands and then he crawls away from her as quick as possible without being rude. The girl grins at him.

“You did well. That was a lot better than yesterday.”

“Thanks,” he mutters and runs a hand through his disshevelled hair.

God, just – why...

Why did he think about...

About...

_Him._

The girl comes a little closer.

“You got really into it, you know,” she whispers cheekily. “Whom did you think about? C'mon, tell me!”

“N-no one in particular,” he stutters, blushing like mad.

She clicks her tongue. “Bullshit. Whom did you think of?”

He bites his lip, before he looks away.

“Just...just someone.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Please leave kudos and/or comments.
> 
> So yes, I promise next chapter will be the last. And rest assured, I raised the rating for a reason ^^  
> Please tell me what you think! I really enjoy writing this story, so please let me know what you think about the plot, the characters and the pacing, I always love to hear from you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> first of all, I'd like to thank every single one of you who gave me comments and kudos on my little story. It was wonderful to see so many intrigued with my story, so here I am now, posting the last chapter of my little fic.  
> I had a wonderful time writing for this pairing and I'm sure it won't be the last time.  
> This chapter is a bit longer than the previous ones, but I hope you'll enjoy reading nevertheless.
> 
> So without further ado, please enjoy.

**Jun**

 

His eyes burn. He's been on set since the break of dawn and now it's the evening. He checks his face in the display of his phone. He looks like a damn zombie.

He looks to the side. His co-stars all lounge around on the stools and chairs scattered off-set. They still need to film one last scene and they'll be done for today. Jun yawns and rubs his eyes. He's in dire need of sleep. Or ten espressos. He's not a coffee person but at this point he'll inject everything into his system that keeps him awake.

He goes over his lines for the umpteenth time. He's sure that he knows them by heart at his point, but he wants to make sure nonetheless. He doesn't have too many lines, but he needs to be cautious of all the subtle movements and facial expressions he'll have to show during the conversation.

He lets out a small sigh. He'll fly back to Seoul in three days, to be there for the last performance of this comeback. Then he'll return straight to Shanghai and stay until all of his scenes are done, which will take another two weeks, apparently. And after that...who even knows.

He feels bitter thinking how he'd barely been there for his members during this comeback. He did try to talk to them as much as possible, he messaged them more often than he normally would have, he even commented on their video logs, he even did a small vlive himself, the other night, all by his lonesome in his hotel room. He usually _never_ does that – and carats are well aware – but he'd felt like he owed it to their fans to let them know that he misses them all and that he'll be back soon.

Although, frankly, he doesn't know _when_ he'll be back.

If at all.

He's halfway dozing off when suddenly their scene director yells all their names. Jun jerks upward and hastily gets off of his chair.

“Finally,” yawns the guy who plays the lead role. He sleepily blinks at them, a tired grin on his face. “Everybody ready? Let's please all do well so we can wrap this up.”

“Agreed,” the girls nod.

Jun follows his co-stars onto the set. They're supposed to be in one of the computer labs in their university. They're going to discuss the weird circumstances surrounding their professor's death. It's a calm scene, nothing major is revealed – in terms of chronology, the scene is situated in the pilot episode. They all need to seem rather helpless, shaken over the horrendous incident, scared and anxious. Easy for Jun. He just needs to remember the hellish moments before their debut stage and there he is.

He takes a deep breath. Here they go.

They all clap as the director finally tells them that he's satisfied with the scene. They all start laughing and chatting, it's as if a heavy blanket has been lifted off of their minds, and now everyone feels relieved, somewhat reconciled. The girls all jump toward the dressing rooms, surely to get dressed as quick as possible to make their way home or to their hotels; also Jun wants to head out now. He'll skip his usual evening workout in favour of a few more hours of sleep. Instead, he'll do a workout tomorrow straight after waking up.

He walks through the staff members, he bows politely and wishes them all a good night, when suddenly one of his managers motions at him to come closer.

“Hm?” he asks.

“There's a visitor for you,” his manager grins and steps to the side.

Jun's eyes nearly pop out of his head. His heart does a somersault in his chest.

“Yan An!”

Yan An's pretty face lights up as he sees him and Jun strides over and pulls the taller guy into a tight hug that Yan An reciprocate with just as much feeling. Jun steps back only so much that he can look him in the eyes again. Yan An looks well. He'd been rather sickly when they'd parted in Seoul a few weeks back, but now he seems to be doing alright again. Jun is glad about it. They were close before, but they'd gotten even closer over the past few months, when he'd started to stay at Pentagon's dorm, sometimes days on end, when he'd wanted to avoid his own band members at home. Yan An's band members are amazingly chill and friendly, they hadn't asked any questions, they'd just let Jun stay in their dorm for as long as he wanted. He owes them big.

“I was at my parents' place and I had some time, so I decided to visit you,” Yan An says in that charming, quiet way of his. His eyes glide over the set behind Jun. “It looks amazing.”

“Pfff, thanks,” Jun grins. “When did you get here? I didn't know that you were going home.”

“It was kinda spontaneous. We don't have any schedules at the moment, so the managers told us that we can leave for a few days.”

His friend accompanies him to the dressing room. One of the stylists helps Jun get out of the borrowed outfit and he thankfully puts his own clothes back on. Yan An patiently waits by the door until he's packed up and ready to go.

“Wanna come back to the hotel with me? We could order room service,” Jun offers.

It would be nice to have some company.

“Sure,” Yan An smiles. “I borrowed my parents' car, I can drive us.”

On the ride back to Jun's hotel they both won't stop chatting. Yan An tells him about his band's latest antics, about the good-hearted mischief going down in their dorm and his members telling him time and time again that he should finally hit the gym together with them.

Jun laughs at that. Yan An is one of the most beautiful people he's ever met – both inside and out – but he honestly can't quite picture him in a gym, working out like most of Pentagon's members do.

“You could always come to our gym and we could work out together,” he grins.

Yan An passes him a humoured look, before his eyes glide back to the street. “Thanks, but nah. I'm good.”

“Not like you need it, anyway.”

“Neither do you, let's be honest.”

Jun snorts and looks out the window. “I don't mind it.”

“How's filming going, anyway?”

Jun tells him about his co-stars, the captivating plot and of course he doesn't fail to mention the fuck scenes he and his co-stars all have to film. He can actually see how Yan An's eyes grow bigger and bigger as he listens. Well, Jun can't blame him. It's rare for a Chinese production to be so...sexual. But then again – it's Netflix.

Jun continues to describe the different characters and their complex backstories. His friend listens carefully, he throws in a question here and there, but aside from that he's quiet and lets him do the talking. Jun appreciates it a lot, while at the same time he notices that he really hasn't said much lately, to anybody, if it wasn't in regards to their filming. Now the words just flow out of him and he feels embarrassed at himself. He'd gotten so used to the silence, he doesn't quite know how to handle his chatty self now. But thankfully, Yan An doesn't seem annoyed.

They sit in Jun's hotel room. They ordered room service – some spicy fried chicken wings, rice and noodles – and devour their late night meal. Yan An tells him that he'll be around for a few more days, so they'll probably see each other again before he will have to fly back to Seoul. Jun looks forward to it. He always enjoys spending time with the handsome man. He asks Yan An what his band members are up to during their free time, and Yan An happily tells him what his friends are doing with the rare time off. He also tells Jun that they're working on a new mini album for their next comeback, and Jun looks forward to it greatly, while secretly he wishes his friend would get more lines in their new songs. Yan An has the voice and the face of an angel – Jun wishes his company would finally recognise his potential and let him shine a little more on his own...but alas.

That's just the way it is in their industry.

They've fallen into a comfortable silence. The clock urgently calls for Jun to finally hit the hay, but he doesn't want to sleep just yet. He wants to savour his friend's presence, if only for a few moments more.

Suddenly, Yan An clears his throat. Jun blinks at him.

“I know you don't want to talk about it, but – how're things with _him_?”

Jun sighs.

“Could be worse, I guess.”

Yan An is the only person outside their band that knows about what went down that fateful night in Seventeen's dorm kitchen. Jun had told him beforehand that he didn't quite feel at home in their own dorm anymore, and then, after the argument had happened, he'd called Yan An a few days later to tell him about it all. Yan An had been patient and compassionate, he'd listened to Jun and offered some consoling words of advice. Jun is glad to have someone like him as his friend, truly. Yan An's eyes are filled with warmth and sympathy.

“Did you guys talk?”

“Not really...I – I don't know...”

“He didn't apologise?”

“He did, but he didn't mean it.”

Yan An tilts his head a little. “So you plan to continue like this?”

He shrugs. “I guess?”

“You can't be serious..”

“I don't know what else to do. I can't force him to – to look past what happened.”

“Well, you could start with being honest with him,” Yan An says calmly. “You know...maybe you should finally tell him -”

“No,” he interrupts.

“Jun, he won't change his attitude if he doesn't know why you're behaving the way you do...”

“I don't care,” he mumbles, more to himself. “I'm fine with the way things are now. He's... he's alright.”

It's all that matters.

Yan An looks at him for a long moment, before a tired smile graces his handsome features.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Jun?”

He sighs. “I...I can deal with this.”

“Look me in the eyes and repeat that.”

He looks away. Suddenly he feels tired. He rubs his forehead and glances at the time. It's almost midnight. He exhales slowly. He feels like he's been awake for centuries. Exhaustion sits in every cell of his body, and weighs him down like invisible shackles. He wants to sleep and at the same time he wants to stay awake, keep his mind occupied to battle down all these thoughts that want to circle around that one single person.

That...someone.

“...He wouldn't understand.”

“He will if you explain it to him.”

“But how...,” he starts and then he stops. He lets his head fall into his neck and he stares at the ceiling, as if all his answers were written there. “How do I tell him that all I did was to protect him?”

 

********

 

**Minghao**

 

He walks in on two of his members and flatmates bend over someone's phone. He notices that they're eerily quiet, until suddenly Mingyu lets out a whistle and Wonwoo next to him offers a “Woah, what the fuck,” at whatever they're watching.

Minghao's first thought is that they're probably watching some trashy porn video, but then he remembers that it's barely six in the evening and they're in the middle of their living room. Not the best place to watch porn, however trashy.

“Hey, what's going on?” he asks and approaches them.

Mingyu and Wonwoo turn around to him. They both sport a red dusting on their faces and Minghao's brows race for his hairline. What the hell did they just watch? They both change a glance and then Wonwoo rubs his neck.

“Uh...well, I begged Jun to finally send me footage of those fuck scenes he had to film, and he finally did.”

“Wait – wait, what?” Minghao asks.

His mind races. There were too many bits of information in that statement alone, he needs a moment to dissect it all. He feels his face grow hot.

“He – he filmed a sex scene?”

“Not just one, apparently,” Mingyu snorts.

Minghao stares at his friends to figure out whether they're joking or not, but they both seem serious, albeit flustered. His eyes glide to Wonwoo's phone.

“Let me see.”

“It's just a small clip, though...”

Minghao doesn't care as he steps closer. Wonwoo tilts the phone so that he can see. Then he starts the short clip. It's barely ten seconds long and without sound, it's a recording of one of the supervising monitors on set that show all the cameras at the same time. Minghao's cheeks grow hotter as he watches how Jun moves his hands over the girl's half-naked body while kissing her messily. Then his hands drop to grab her thighs and he lifts her up to carry her toward the bedroom. His heart jerks inside his chest as he sees their tongues mingle through open lips, before they both disappear through the door.

The clip ends. He doesn't know why he's suddenly angry. But he is. Angry and flustered.

“Didn't think he's so...experienced,” Mingyu muses.

“Mingyu, he's playing a character,” Wonwoo laughs. “This was all in the script.”

“Still, it looked so damn natural.”

“Well yeah, because he's an actor...”

Minghao soon excuses himself and heads to his room. He sits down on his bed and runs a hand through his hair. He still feels hot and a weird aching sits in his chest, one he can't explain and yet he suspects the source of it. He bites his lip and then he pulls his laptop closer.

Chan told him that Jun did a small vlive by himself the other night. He hadn't watched it, but their maknae had told him that it's not too long, it's just a short video he'd made in his hotel room, as a small present for carats. Minghao thinks about how their fans had repeatedly asked them where the elder Chinese member is and why he's barely present during this comeback. Of course carats would be worried about him.

He opens Jun's video. It's about ten minutes long. He doesn't know why his heart stumbles at the sight of him.

But it does.

Jun seems tired. He sits in his dim hotel room, rested against the head of the bed. He looks like he just came home. Dark shadows chase his eyes and his words are slow and heavy from a long day. Yet, as he smiles at the camera, Minghao's heart does a surprised jump before beating like crazy inside his chest. He realises that it's been...forever since he's seen Jun smile. He reads the comments. The fans swoon over him, they all tell him how much they love him and miss him and how they're counting down the days until “ot13” are reunited.

They just love him so much.

He grabs his phone. He opens his and Jun's chat. They haven't texted in weeks; as he reads the time and date of their last conversation, he feels a sharp sting in his chest. He begins to type a message.

But then he deletes it again.

 

********

 

**Jun**

 

He has successfully wrapped filming. Contrary to his initial belief it had all gone well. Except for some minor errors on set, like when he'd forgotten his lines and other small mishaps, the whole process had gone fairly well and he feels a tiny bit proud of himself. He hadn't thought it would be so easy. But in times, when they'd finished a particularly difficult scene, he'd remembered why he loved acting so much in the first place.

It's just a different world. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed it.

He's back in Seoul. Their comeback is done – although he had barely participated in it – and now they've all gone back to their regular work schedules. They work on new music, they practice singing and dancing, they attend press appointments, interviews, photo shoots and other individual schedules, they prepare for their next projects – both in a group and solo – they all make the most out of their time.

It's all as it's ought to be.

Jun lounges around in their recording studio. There are plans to release a Chinese mini-album at some point this year, thus both Jun and Minghao were asked to get more involved in the production process. Up till now, they both helped translating lyrics to their existing Korean songs, but they haven't produced anything originally Chinese yet, and Jun feels rather thrilled about the prospect. It would be nice to be able to cater more to their Chinese carats.

He yawns. He's been trying to write some lyrics since the afternoon, but nothing particularly original or catchy came to his mind. He sighs and leans back in the sofa. A glance at his phone tells him that it's past dinner time. Ah well, he'd wanted to hit the gym anyway before heading back to the dorm.

He scrolls through his phone when suddenly his gadget vibrates with an incoming call from one of their managers. He hastily answers the call.

“Yeah?”

“Junhui-ssi? Sorry to bother you in the evening,” his manager starts, not sounding sorry at all. “I wanted to let you know that you'll appear in the Chinese version of The Voice, they asked for a performance by a Chinese idol and they chose you.”

He blinks. “Uh...alright.”

“The performance is in four weeks.”

“Ok...”

“I'll let you know the details tomorrow. Have a nice evening.”

With that, the call ends. He shrugs. Not like he cares, if he just has to perform then he's happy, any show appearance without him having to talk is a good show appearance. However, the fact that his manager specifically referred to him has him a little flustered. Is he going to perform all on his own? That he's not too fond of; he rather sings and dances in a group, not on his own.

But his manager didn't mention Minghao, so...well, probably it'll only be Jun. He doesn't feel happy about it.

Minghao surely does.

As he begins his regular warming up in the gym, his mind eases up a little. Perhaps he's supposed to perform together with the show contestants. That would indeed be fun. He's absorbed in his thoughts and flinches when his phone rings again. He sighs. Why do people keep bothering him tonight? Can't they at least wait till he's done working out?

He grabs his phone with surprise he sees that Yan An is calling him. Worry cloudes his mind. Hopefully everything is ok.

“Yan An?”

“Hey, sorry that I'm calling,” Yan An starts. “Did your manager just call you by any chance?”

He frowns. “Yeah, why? How do you know?”

“My manager just told me that I'm supposed to appear on the Chinese The Voice. And he said that they asked for you, too.”

“Wait – so we'll both perform?”

“Apparently. But I don't know what exactly they want, to be honest...”

“Hang on, does it mean we can perform together?” Jun asks and excitement laces his words. “That would be awesome.”

Yan An laughs at that. “I wouldn't be opposed to it...”

“Shit, I'll ask our manager first thing tomorrow...”

“Alright. Will do the same. Anyway, that's all -”

“Yeah, thanks for calling, you just saved my day, honestly.”

“Fufu, you're welcome. Talk to you soon.”

With a grin he slides his phone back into his bag. He turns back to the treadmill and he's about to hop back on, when he realises the quiet figure standing by the door. His smile fades as his eyes fall upon Minghao. The younger man looks at him, with a strange expression gracing his features. What does he want?

Their eyes lock for a brief moment and Jun ignores the sudden stabbing pain surging through his chest. Instead he decides to cut the warm-up short and he walks over to the sit-up bench. For now he'll do five reps, with twenty sit-ups each. He sits down, but as he notices Minghao approaching, he internally sighs. He's not in the mood to talk with him.

“Hey...can we...talk?” Minghao starts.

Jun blinks. He sounds...unlike his usual so over-confident self. His voice is quiet. Jun briefly looks at him and he suddenly thinks that Minghao looks so young. Young and insecure.

A wave of protectiveness washes over his mind, but he fights down the sudden urge to pull the younger into a hug and shield him from the world. He internally shakes his head at himself.

“Go ahead,” he replies simply, but resumes his exercise.

“...I wrote some lyrics. Would be...if you could look at them, that'd be cool.”

“Sure.”

Silence. Jun resumes his exercises, but he's distracted as Minghao doesn't leave. Usually the younger can't wait to get away from him, so why is he still here?

“Anything else?” he asks.

Minghao's eyes are filled with something he can't point out. They look at each other, before Minghao bites his lip and looks away. Suddenly he looks annoyed.

“I heard your conversation just now.”

“And?”

“You're – you're performing in China? On your own?”

“Apparently,” he replies with a shrug. “Don't worry. I'll make sure they won't ask you, too.”

He says that to placate him, but weirdly, Minghao doesn't seem relieved at all. If anything, his face grows even more annoyed and upset. He steps a little closer and Jun decides to pause his reps. Not like he can focus on his exercise anyway.

“You're going to perform with Yan An?”

“Maybe. I don't know,” Jun answers truthfully.

He observes him closely. What is wrong with Minghao? He doesn't quite...seem like himself right now. He watches how his slim fingers start to tear at the seam of his woollen oversized sweat shirt. His clothes make him look even more slender than he already is. There are holes in his ripped jeans, showing his milky pale skin.

“Minghao?”

The younger lets out a sigh, before he turns around.

“Nothing. See you at home.”

With that he strides through the gym and a moment later he's out of the door, leaving the scent of books and fire and lavender in his wake.

 

********

 

A few days later both Jun and Yan An receive the green light by their management. They're allowed to perform together on the Chinese version of The Voice and Jun greatly looks forward to it. It's been forever since they performed together and he's more than eager to work with his beautiful friend again.

They both offer different ideas on what to do with their performance. Soon they both agree to perform songs by their groups. They did think of covering original Chinese songs, but there wouldn't be much choreography, so instead they decide to perform one song of each group. Yan An will consult with his dance instructor to alter the “Runaway” choreography for a two-person performance. He will also have to translate the lyrics, so Jun offers his help, since he's got experience with that.

Also, after a short moment of hesitation he asks Yan An how he'd feel to dance and sing to “My I”, a choreography that was originally intended to suit Jun and Minghao. Yan An's face crunches up at his proposal.

“Well...I mean, it's not like I don't want to, but...you know, I'm not the best dancer.”

Jun smiles. Yan An is too humble for his own good. “You'll be fine, I promise. It's not as difficult as it looks like.”

“Of course you'd say that...”

“I'll teach you.”

They grin at each other. They're in one of the smaller practice rooms at the Pledis building. They booked the room until the evening, so they have plenty of time to practice. Yan An needs some more reassuring words, but soon he agrees to study the “My I” song and choreo. Jun's heart swells in his chest. He'll be happy to perform it together with him; it's an amazing choreography and the fans love it.

He shows his friend the video, and afterwards they slowly start to practice. Jun knows the choreo by heart. He organises a long, soft rope to wrap around their wrists and then they start.

Alright, maybe it's not as easy as he'd thought; Yan An is not a bad dancer, but he's nowhere on the level of Minghao. It takes considerably longer to teach him the steps and by the end of it, Jun and him are barely through the first verse. Sweat-soaked, they decide to rest and continue the next day. One look at his phone tells Jun that it's almost midnight. Time to go home.

“I'll talk to our dance instructor tomorrow. What time shall we meet up?” Yan An asks, as they're on their way to the elevators.

“Let's say 5pm?”

“Sure.”

They part with a brief hug and a smile. Jun already looks forward to tomorrow.

 

********

 

“Hey...you know, during that fan service moment,” Jun starts. They're in the practice room; it's going better than yesterday, it seems like Yan An is slowly getting the hang of it. He doesn't feel as awkward anymore to dance with a rope slung around his hand, and his movements gradually turn softer and more fluent, as he doesn't have to overthink every single step anymore.

“Yeah? The one in the first verse?” Yan An questions.

“You know...we could do something new.”

The taller boy looks at him before he snorts. “Like what?”

“I mean – when I'd dance with _him_ , he'd always pretend to stroke my face. What if...you know, we go a little more south?” Jun asks with a telling smirk.

“What – you mean I'm supposed to...dunno, ride your shirt up?”

“Yeah, why not?”

He trained these abs for a reason after all. Might as well show them off, while he can. Not like carats will complain, he's sure about that.

Yan An bursts out laughing, while a cute red starts to colour his cheeks. “Well, I don't really care, but you sure we can do that?”

“I don't think anybody would be opposed to it, to be honest...”

“Alright, care to explain why, though? Or are you just horny ever since you finished filming that show?” Yan An teases.

Jun laughs and rolls his eyes. He walks back to the stereo.

“Let's just try and see how it goes.”

 

********

 

**Minghao**

 

Soonyoung usually is quite a good companion to have around. He's loud, charming and has a great sense of humour. Minghao likes hanging out with him, but in this particular moment he wishes the elder wasn't so spellbound on inviting everyone available out for dinner and karaoke afterwards. He already gathered Seungkwan and Seokmin, both of them headed home first to get changed; they'll meet them in about an hour at the company building. Minghao thinks that four people is enough, but no, not for dear Soonyoung.

“Since you and Jun are talking again, we might as well invite him, too,” Soonyoung says over his shoulder as he drags Minghao down the hallway.

Minghao tiredly tries to ease Soonyoung's vice grip on his wrist, but it's futile. The elder isn't going to let him go anywhere.

“I doubt he'll want to come,” he mumbles, although the thought of spending time with the older Chinese has him a little shy.

It's been...ages since they both spend time together with their band members. Jun usually stays away, even now as he's done with filming his drama he still mostly keeps to himself. If he were to come out with them tonight – well then Minghao would try and be friendly with him.

Maybe for old times' sake.

“Manager-hyung said they're in one of the small practice rooms,” Soonyoung says.

Yesterday, Jun send a brief message into the group chatrooms, just stating that he and Pentagon's Yan An would perform on the Chinese edition of The Voice. Their member had all congratulated Jun; just Minghao had kept silent on it. Truth be told...he doesn't quite know how to feel about it. Sure he's glad that he won't have to preform together with Jun but...

But...

“It's here,” Soonyoung says. He knocks and without asking, he opens the door.

They both enter and Minghao freezes.

He recognises the song instantly. It's “My I”, it's his and Jun's song. They're playing the Chinese version of it from the stereo. Jun and Yan An stand before the mirror, the long rope attached to both their wrists, Minghao recognises the part of the song and choreo immediately. His blood starts to rush in his ears. Heat explodes on his face as he sees the two stand so close they're almost entangled, with Yan An's hand hiking up Jun's shirt so high Jun's toned abs are revealed in all glory.

He looks at Jun and as their gazes meet, something stings inside Minghao's chest. Something hot and piercing and utterly painful stabs right through his heart.

“Woah, what the – you guys practising or making out?” Soonyoung laughs, not at all fazed at the scene.

“Practising,” Jun grins and they both step away from each other.

“Anyway, how does dinner sound? Seungkwannie and Seokmin are coming, too.”

Minghao'd eyes glide to Yan An. The tall, pretty Chinese greets Soonyoung, before his gaze lands on Minghao. Suddenly, Yan An seems flustered and Minghao's fury is only fueled. Although he doesn't even understand why he's angry in the first place. Angry and hurt.

“You're gonna perform this song?” Minghao can't help but ask. He glares at Jun. “ _Our_ song?”

Jun changes a glance with Yan An. “Yeah. Management said it's fine.”

“You didn't ask _me_ ,” he whispers.

Something shifts in Jun's eyes. “Why would I ask you?”

He narrows his eyes. “Because – because it's fucking _our_ song, Jun-hyung!”

He can feel Yan An's and Soonyoung's questioning eyes on him and he switches to Mandarin.

“You didn't have the right. This song also belongs to me,” Minghao breathes.

Yan An steps forward. “Look, Minghao -”

“Don't,” he interrupts him. “This has nothing to do with you, Yan An.”

Suddenly, Jun looks pissed off. He steps forward, half shielding Yan An behind him, and his glare is cold as winter. Minghao swallows. He didn't even notice how his fingers started to shake. But they do. So much. And he knows that the elder is angry, as he switches to Mandarin. Every single syllable is underlined with heat.

“Calm down, Minghao. It was my idea, so if you want to blame someone, blame me,” he frowns. “But you do that all the time, anyway.”

“Guys..,” Soonyoung starts and now he looks worried. He obviously doesn't understand a word, but he can read the air in the room nonetheless.

“Jun – let's go to the Cube building. We can practice there,” Yan An says after a moment of silence.

Jun nods and turns around to stop the music. Then he exhales, before he passes Soonyoung a brief smile.

“Sorry, but I guess we'll practice some more. Have fun tonight.”

Within a few moments they have packed their stuff and are ready to head out. Soonyoung watches them, still confused over what just happened, while Minghao feels embarrassed and insulted. How dare – how dare Jun just gives their song and dance to someone else? It's...it's supposed to be _theirs_ , it belongs to the two of them..

And now he's shared it with someone else and he'll perform it with someone else. Someone that is not Minghao.

His headaches are back. And at the same time he feels tired. He needs to sleep.

 

********

 

A few days later Minghao returns home late. He's been out, walking by the river, listening to music and enjoying his own company. Now he's back and all he wants to do is rest, watch a film and then go to bed.

He hasn't talked to Jun since their...argument in the practice room. From what he's heard, Jun has spent the last few days at Pentagon's dorm, as well as their company building; none of their band have seen him come home at any point. Minghao had once walked into the room Jun shares with Chan and Seungkwan. His bed was empty, untouched, as if nobody lived in it any longer.

The sight had stung.

Minghao did try to...apologise, he texted Jun a few lines of remorse, but the elder had given him a curt reply:

_-it's fine_

The words make Minghao wish he hadn't texted him at all. Now they're back to being barely more than strangers to each other, Jun's presence is scarce, his voice is gone, he has turned into a ghost yet again and this time Minghao knows that he is to blame. And he hates it. But at this point even he has to admit that what he said to him..had been uncalled for.

He sighs and rubs his eyes. His headaches have returned. He needs painkillers. He rummages around in his bag when he hears the doorbell ring.

“Chan!” comes Jisoo's muffled voice from his bedroom. Clearly requesting their maknae to open the door.

Minghao can hear grumbling from the living room and then a moment later, the door is being unlocked. Minghao resumes searching through his stuff, he doesn't pay any attention to the noise outside, when suddenly a soft knock on his door has him stop in his tracks. A voice resounds and he's more than surprised when he hears Mandarin.

“Minghao? It's me, Yan An.”

He blinks, his mind races. What is Yan An doing here? It's probably the first time Minghao has ever been alone with the pretty Chinese. They'd been friendly, yes, but Yan An had always been Jun's friend, not Minghao's. He hurries to his feet and opens the door. Yan An stands before him, clad in all black. He's quite a bit taller than Minghao, and peers down at him with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

“Yan An...”

“Sorry to bother you but...could we talk? Maybe?"

“Uh, sure...come in...”

He offers him the desk chair, but Yan An shakes his head.

“I won't take long,” he says calmly.

“Uhm...may I ask why you're here? Jun's not home,” Minghao starts, but stops, when Yan An's face clouds with worry and resignation.

“Yeah, I know. I wanted to talk with you.”

“...Alright.”

His heart beats like crazy inside his chest. He doesn't know why, though. But before Yan An can even say a word, Minghao clears his throat.

“Listen...about what happened the other day – I'm sorry.” He means it. “I was...an asshole. I'm really sorry about that.”

“No worries. It's not me you hurt, you know?” Yan An says quietly and yet Minghao flinches as if he'd screamed at him.

“Yan An...”

“I'll make this short. I know it's none of my business, but Jun told me about it. About everything, all the shit that's been going down between you guys."

Minghao's face grows hot.

“Ok...”

“I'm saying this as Jun's friend. Stop being so cruel to him. He doesn't deserve it.”

Every word feels like a kick right to his stomach. Numbly he stares at the taller man.

“I -”

“You hurt him _so many times_ and he still continues to defend you and protect you,” Yan An grits out.

“What are you talking about!?”

Yan An lets out a soft curse, before he shakes his head.

“I shouldn't tell you this, but...have you never wondered? Why he's so quiet when you're together with your group, and why he's so loud when he's only with you?”

Minghao's tongue is suddenly covered with poison and he hisses: “He...he's just a loud fucking idiot when we're alone together...”

“In front of a camera, right?” Yan An spits out. “That's why. He does it for you, so you don't have to make a fool out of yourself. He's done it ever since you debuted. He always covered for you, when you fell short. He always went the extra fucking mile to keep you out of the line of fire. And you never even noticed.”

Minghao stares at him, while his stomach fills with ice. His breathing turns shallow and at the same time he can't get enough air into his lungs. His vision starts to swim as Yan An's words wound him deeply.

“...That's not true,” he whispers, more to himself.

Yan An scoffs. “Go and ask him, then. He'll tell you.”

He shakes his head. The room spins. “He...I don't...why...?”

His visitor gives him a sharp look.

“You didn't notice anything, all these years,” he says, every word laced with disbelief and reproval. He looks Minghao in the eyes. “You don't deserve him.”

Minghao stares at him for a moment longer. And then he just grabs his phone and keys and he's out of the door.

He needs to speak to Jun. Now.

 

********

 

He finds Jun in one of the many practice rooms at the Pledis building. Hard hip hop blasts from the stereo and Jun dances some freestyle routines. For a moment Minghao admires his sharp, yet graceful movements, before he pulls himself together. His hear beats in his throat.

This talk...apparently is long overdue. Part of him doesn't want to ask, doesn't want to hear the truth – but most of him, his heart more than anything, needs to know. Needs to hear it from him. He closes the door behind him.

Their gazes meet in the mirror. Jun's expression is hard and focused, but something flickers in his eyes as he look at Minghao. Minghao's heart aches in his chest and he motions him that they need to talk. Jun walks over to the stereo and turns the volume down.

“...We...can we talk?” Minghao asks carefully.

Jun just nods.

He approaches him and stops as he stands before him.

“...Yan An was at our dorm. He...told me something...”

Jun lets out a sigh at his words, and his brows draw together in a frown.

“Minghao...”

“He said,” he interrupts him because he needs to get these words out before his language will stop working for him. “He said that...that you, whatever you did, when you – when you were loud and chatty with me, when it was only us – that you did it _because of me_?”

Jun stares at him, before he looks away. His shoulders sink.

“Jun. Is it true?”

It's silent for a moment, the silence is so loud Minghao believes his ears might bleed.

“Jun?”

“Yeah,” Jun suddenly says and looks him in the eyes again. “It's true.”

His heart lurches in his chest.

“Why?!”

“Really?” Jun asks back. “Really? We both know you're bad at variety shows. You hate talking nonsense, you dislike making fun of yourself, you fucking hate it when the MCs pick on you, you hate the stupid games – you hate it and you _show_ it. So at the beginning, when they first started to put the two of us together for schedules in China, they told me that they were concerned with how you'd come across to fans. They were worried that you're such a stone-cold piece of work that people wouldn't like you. And then I stepped in,” Jun hisses.

“I begged them to give you a chance and I promised that I would look after you. I told them that I could make a fool out of myself, if that's what they wanted, so they'd leave you in peace. And they agreed.”

“...But...why?”

Jun sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Suddenly he seems tired beyond belief.

“I've been through this shit once already. When I was a child actor, I had to let people mock me, criticise me, make fun of me, fucking embarrass me again and again and again. And I learned how to deal with it. But after we debuted...I guess I couldn't bear to see you go through the same.”

Minghao feels ill. It takes him a moment to gather himself, before he whispers: “That...wasn't your decision to make.”

Jun shrugs.

“And yet I did. And now we're here.” He exhales. “There's nothing left to say.”

They stand like this, until Minghao thinks his knees might give way beneath him. His head is spinning, his mind is filled with a dark cloud filled with questions, he's filled with confusion, with anger, with fluster, with shame... memories flood his mind, pictures of all the countless times Jun had been with him on a show, when he'd been loud and chatty and silly, and now it starts to make sense to Minghao, now he realises what he'd noticed before but could never connect...

Now he starts to see the pattern, he begins to understand why Jun would always switch personas when they were together in China without their group...

It was just to ease the burden off of Minghao's shoulders, protect him from the evil eyes of all those who wanted to tear them down and make fun of them and hurt their pride. He took it all, he shielded Minghao and never let out a single word of complaint. And he'd taken it for granted, hell he'd been angry with Jun for his behaviour instead of...

Instead of...

His body throbs with remorse as he realises just how much of an asshole he'd been.

Jun still stands before him. Minghao slowly lifts his gaze to look at him. Jun's eyes seem so empty. Void of emotion, as if Minghao's constant spite had sucked the very life out of him.

“Jun...”

The elder sighs. “Save it. It's fine,” he says, with a smile so sad Minghao wants to cry. “I didn't do it so you would thank me.”

He turns around and Minghao's hand flies forward. His fingers close around Jun's. His heart hurts so fucking badly in his chest, but he needs to get this out, because he knows if he doesn't do it now, he won't ever fucking have the chance again.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers. “About everything. I'm sorry.”

Jun blinks at him. “Minghao...”

“I hurt you. I – I don't expect you to forgive me, but...I am sorry,” he says and his voice breaks at the end. “I said...what I said to you, all these horrible...I'm so so sorry, Jun.”

Tears sting in his eyes, hot with self-loathing. His other hand closes around Jun's. He fears...if he lets go now, he will disappear forever.

“I'm sorry,” he battles out before his vision blurs.

His heart rips open in his chest, that's how much it hurts. Suddenly a hand enters his blurry vision. His breathing stops when Jun's finger hooks under his chin to make him look at him again.

“There's nothing to forgive.”

Yan An was right. He doesn't deserve someone like him.

“Jun.”

Jun's face breaks into a smile and his hand gently strokes his cheek. God, he'd missed his touch. His smile.

Him.

“Crying doesn't suit you,” the elder teases.

Minghao can't help but laugh and reaches up to cover Jun's hand with his own. Then he looks at him again.

“But...can I ask...why?” he mumbles, solemn again. “Why...do that...just for me?”

Jun steps even closer. His breath ghosts over Minghao's skin like a caress.

“The heart is a weird thing, isn't it?” he whispers. “Stubborn. Cranky...beautiful. Kinda like you, I guess.”

A blush rises to his cheeks.

“...You're fucking corny, you know that, right?”

Jun smiles and leans closer. “I'm well aware.”

They are so close, so so close they hardly have to move for their lips to find each other.

 

********

 

**Jun**

 

They wrap the performance. The applause still booms in his ears as him and Yan An stumble off the stage, exhausted, sweat-soaked and still brimming with excitement. The stage was even better than he'd expected. The whole thing was a success.

The staff congratulate them to their performance and Jun does his round of gratitude, he thanks all the people backstage that he can find before he disappears in his dressing room. He's still trembling with overflowing energy and his heart still beats like crazy. However, it's not solely due to the fiery performance they just did.

There is a familiar person sitting on the sofa to his right, dark eyes focused on his phone. He has his long legs stretched out over the entire seating and Jun's heart skips at the sight.

“Did you watch the performance?” he asks with a grin.

“No, I feel asleep,” Minghao deadpans.

Their eyes meet and Jun knows that he doesn't mean it. He decides to give Minghao a bit of a show and pulls his shirt over his head. He can practically _feel_ the dark eyes running up and down his bare body.

He snorts and throws his shirt at Minghao.

“Stop drooling.”

“Pfff, yeah, you wish.”

He decides to tease him a little more and sits down next to him. He simply lifts Minghao's slender legs up and places them across his lap. Minghao lets him, with an adorable blush forming on his face. Jun likes that.

“What did you think about the stage?”

“Was alright,” Minghao grunts and looks away.

Jun's hands innocently start to slide up and down the side of his thighs. Minghao's blush deepens.

“Were you jealous?”

“Oh come _on_....”

“Ah, won't you humour me?” he asks with a smile and leans in closer.

Minghao rolls his eyes and instead of replying the obvious, he just leans in the rest of the way and meets him with a kiss that says it all.

 

********

 

As soon as the door to their hotel room closes behind them, Jun's hand reaches for Minghao's hand. The other man kicks his shoes off before he lets him pull him in, into his embrace. Jun wraps his arms around his slender frame and Minghao blinks up at him, an adorable blush rising to his cheeks.

He's still not used to this. To them being sweet together. He has the most hilarious reactions to Jun's kisses, to his compliments, to his sweet-talking and Jun is absolutely smitten about it. Minghao might be a handsome, cranky piece of work – but he's _his_ handsome, cranky piece of work, so he doesn't mind it one but.

Especially, since he knows what Minghao feels inside. And knowing that the younger is just as infatuated as him, makes it all the more wonderful to finally be with him like this.

Like lovers.

Their kiss starts out slowly, a subtle dance of wandering fingers, little sighs escaping them as they move against each other, gently, carefully. Jun tightens his hold around that slim waist and pulls him even closer, until they're pressed together. Minghao's fingers tangle in his hair pulling him in, and Jun licks over Minghao's lips and he smirks when a small gasp escapes the usually so composed man.

He pulls back, only so much that he can look at him.

Minghao's eyes meet his own and a smile plays around his lips. Jun heart beats hard inside his chest, hard and fast and filled with happiness.

Who would've known this would happen? The two of them...like this...?

He never would've expected it. This just goes beyond his wildest imagination and honestly, he wouldn't have it any other way. _Minghao_ is just beyond anyone's imagination.

And now he's Jun's.

He kisses him again and this time Minghao's lips open up to let him in and he dives in, lets his tongue curl around Minghao's, before he slides in deeper, exploring that hot velvet cavern he can't get enough off. He presses in closer, until Minghao's back meets the wall and Jun thankfully traps them there, in his arms.

Minghao kisses back eagerly, his tongue dancing around his own, and slowly the room starts to spin around him. Jun pulls back to let them both breathe and he slides his lips south, down his sharp jaw and sucks a mark into the side of his throat. The younger will have to wear scarves and turtle-necks for a while, but he doesn't seem to mind, no, he actually leans into him even more, and pulls at his strands, as if urging him to keep doing.

Which he's more than willing to do.

“Jun...,” Minghao sighs impatiently.

He feels the slender fingers pulling him back up again and Minghao kisses him. Jun smirks into the heavy lip-lock. He can feel how Minghao readily slides his legs apart, only so much that he can slip his leg in-between.

His hands wander up and down Minghao's back, past his hips and down his ass and he grins as Mignhao gasps as he gives his buttocks a nice squeeze. Then he slides his hands further down to grab his thighs. With one swift movement, which he had to perfect of the span of filming his drama, he lifts him up and Minghao gasps against his lips. His slim legs, wiry from dancing, wrap around his waist and Jun carries him to their bed.

He gently lets him down on the mattress and kneels between his spread thighs. Minghao looks up at him, a deep blush gracing his fine features. Minghao grips the hem of his shirt.

“Off,” he demands.

Jun grins and leans back. “As you wish...”

 

********

 

**Minghao**

 

He's seen Jun change his shirt countless times. But it's never been like this. Heat coils in his stomach as he watches Jun slowly pull his shirt over his head, revealing his hard abs and pecs he'd worked on like crazy in the last few months. Minghao's mouth waters and he reaches out, his fingers greedily sliding over the bared skin before him. Jun's skin is soft and pulsing with heat and life. He can't help but stare, bewitched by the sight, of the defined pecs rising and falling with every breath he takes, his abs flex as he leans to the side to drop his shirt off the side of the bed.

Suddenly there is a finger under his chin, forcing his gaze up to meet Jun's.

“Like what you see?” Jun asks, smugness dripping from his lips.

Minghao feels the heat rise to his ears and he bites his lip, looking away.

Jun's lips leave a trail of kisses along his neck, until he reaches his ear.

“I know that you do.”

He rolls his eyes but can't help but smile. Instead of flattering his ego, Minghao leans in for a kiss and Jun meets him halfway, his lips opening against his own. He sighs as their tongues curl around each other, eager to claim territory. Minghao lets out a soft moan as Jun slowly slides his tongue around his, before coming in deeper. Goodness, he's got some skill with that tongue of his...

His arms wrap around Jun's strong shoulders, he basks in his delicious heat and gets lost in the frenzy, when he feels Jun's fingers cheekily slide underneath his jumper, hiking it up to reveal his torso.

Jun's mouth wanders across his chest, sucking possessive marks into his skin. Heat travels between his legs, lust starts to cloud his mind as he mindlessly arches into Jun's hungry lips. A moment later he pulls him back up again, he feels lonely all on his own, and Jun's lips crash against his. Their tongues swirl and curl around each other and this time Minghao can't stifle his moan. Jun eagerly swallows the sound and kisses him harder yet until the room is spinning around him.

He feels Jun's hand pull at his shirt and he breaks away, only so much that Jun can pull the fabric over his head and throw it to the side. Minghao squirms as the cool air hits his skin, but Jun leans back over him, covering his body with his own and Minghao sinks into the kiss.

God, it feels so good.

Jun kisses him until he moans into his mouth and when Jun lets him breathe, the man's mouth wanders south, back over his chest and up again. Fire starts across his body, all the places Jun touches with his fingers, with his lips, are set aflame. Minghao's head spins as he hooks his fingers into Jun's jeans, pulling him closer, until their crotches press together and both of them groan.

Oh fuck.

They're both hard, straining against the layers of their clothes. Minghao's jeans feels too tight, too hot, he needs it off -

Jun seems to sense his thoughts and after passing him a disarming smile, his fingers slide over Minghao's stomach, down to his belt.

“This ok?” Jun asks.

“Hell yeah...,” he breathes. “You, too.”

Jun smirks and with swift fingers he opens Minghao's belt, his button and pulls the zipper down. Yet he is flustered as the older pulls his jeans and underwear down his legs, until he lies there, bared before him, in every way possible. He shyly looks up at him, only to realises how completely mesmerised Jun looks to see his naked body.

Hunger and longing are etched into every fine line of his handsome features. Jun's eyes slowly lift to meet his own.

“You're fucking gorgeous.”

Minghao didn't think he could blush any deeper. But he does.

“Sh-shut up...,” he grumbles, heat exploding on his cheeks.

Jun presses a long, deep kiss to his lips and then leans back, so he can pull his own jeans and boxers down his legs. Then he drops the garments off the side of the bed and Minghao spreads his legs, inviting him back where he wants him the most. Jun't hot body covers his own and he sighs as he's trapped in a a cocoon of safety and warmth and lust.

Jun's hands are everywhere and everywhere he touches is burning, as if his very fingertips were turning him to fire. Minghao's shameless moans are torn right from his throat as Jun's hand wraps around his aching cock. His hips jerk as the tight hold traps his cock and he bucks into him, silently asking for more friction.

Jun seems more than happy to oblige. He pumps him into full hardness, until pearly precum starts to weep from his slit. Minghao pushes his hips into every movement, chasing his release, when Jun's hand slows down and his lips brush his own as he speaks.

“Why let things end so soon...?” he whispers and every word is sultry, coated with desire and Minghao's cock twitches at the obvious remark.

Jun's eyes bore into his own, dark and wide with hunger. His hand lets go off him and trails deeper, past his balls and his slender fingers start to circle his entrance. Minghao's heart beats so hard he thinks it might leap from his chest. He looks at Jun and Jun's other hand cups his cheek. Suddenly there is love shining from his eyes, adoration and fondness so bright and obvious, Minghao feels like crying.

“Do you want to...?” Jun asks.

“Yes,” he breathes. “Fuck, yes...”

_I want you._

_So much._

Jun kisses him hard and then leans away to rummage in the top drawer of the nightstand. Then he's back above him, a tube in his hands. Minghao stares at it for a moment, before he feels like his cheeks will melt off of his face.

It's lube.

“I'll be careful. Tell me to stop and I will,” Jun says quietly. “Minghao.”

“Ok...”

Jun urges him to lean back into the pillows and he takes his time, he showers him with kisses, some shallow and some so deep Minghao forgets his name, his own fingers glide over Jun's chest, his shoulders, through his soft hair and he's so distracted he hardly hears how Jun opens the tube.

But then he startles as cool, slick fingers trace his hole again. A wave of heat washes over him and at the same time he notices a different aching inside him, one he's never felt before but now feels all the more. It's a burning, aching desire to be filled, pulsing through his veins and nearly turning him mad. His body just moves on its own, eager to give Jun space, to have him inside -

“Haaaa....Jun...,” he moans as the first finger slides in.

He's never felt anything like this before, he never would've thought it would feel like this. It doesn't hurt, it's just...foreign in too many ways to count, but he gets used to it quickly. He pulls Jun's head back up again, he kisses him eagerly and soon he forgets about the weird intrusion in his core, when suddenly a second finger slides in – and he winces at the new discomfort.

He breaks away from the kiss.

“Nhhhhnn....Slow down...please....”

“Ok...shhh, it's ok, take your time...”

Jun's fingers stop moving immediately and Minghao breathes deeply. He slowly relaxes the hard tension in his abdomen, he wills his body to loosen up around the thick intrusion. Jun whispers sweet enouragement into his ear and then, finally, his body relaxes and Minghao lets out a sigh as the burning ache reduces to a feeling of being stretched to wide, but it is bearable.

He tells Jun that he can keep doing and Jun kisses him, his free hand closing around his cock to distract him. His hips buck into him, into his thrusts, he gradually gets used to the feeling of being filled and explored, when suddenly Jun's fingers press into an area inside him and he sees stars.

He lets out a cry and arches into Jun's thrusting fingers.

“Haahn...a-again...”

“Fufu, did that feel good?” Jun replies smugly and does it again, drives his fingers into Minghao's prostate until he sees stars lighting up before his eyes.

His hips just move on their move, they lift into every of Jun's movement, eager to have more of that delicious friction inside him, that pressure that nearly sends him over the edge everytime his fingers hit his spot. Jun slides a third finger in and he's too far gone to care. He fucks himself onto Jun's fingers, tongues meeting through open lips, his fingers lost in Jun's hair and it's so good, he's close -

And then Jun pulls out and he's left empty and aching and _so fucking close_.

“Jun!” he protests.

He wants to bite that smug smirk off of his stupid...gorgeous...lips.

“Just wait a little more,” the older whispers.

Minghao watches how Jun covers his cock with lube and he swallows at the sight. Jun's cock is big; long with a nice girth to it and certainly wider than his three fingers were. A nervous, eager shudder runs through his body and his channel clenches at the prospect of having him inside.

Jun spreads his thighs even further apart and then presses a reassuring kiss to his lips.

“I'll go slowly. If you want me to stop, just say it,” he says, and although his body is tight with desire, and his rock-hard cock rests against Minghao's thigh dripping precum, his voice is pure fondness and trust. “Just tell me to stop and I'll stop. Don't hesiate.”

He blushes as a wave of affection overcomes him.

“Y-you're....so cheesy,” he mumbles.

Jun huffs with amusement and kisses him again.

Minghao breathes deeply and then his body trembles as he feels his lube-slick cock nuzzle against his entrance.

“Ok?” Jun asks again.

He really wants to roll his eyes at him but honestly, he's glad he's so careful.

“Ok,” he breathes.

Jun kisses him. And then he starts to push inside.

Minghao's eyes slide close as Jun slowly enters him. His cock slides deeper, deeper, _deeper_ and for a moment Minghao forgets to breathe as mind is filled with feeling of being taken, of being filled, of being _owned_.

He exhales shakily, the pain returning through his fog of lust and desire, until Jun is fully seated inside, his balls brushing his ass.

Minghao's body trembles and suddenly he's hyper-aware of this, of everything, of Jun's body atop his own, of the heavy cock inside his ass and Jun moves, his cock slides even further – and suddenly brushes against that spot inside Minghao that makes him speak another language.

He groans and arches into Jun.

“Haaah...oh, fuck...Jun...”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, just....move... _please_...”

Jun needs no more words. He carefully pulls out and Minghao whimpers as he feels the heavy weight leave him, only to return and hit his spot dead-on and he whimpers at the hot rush of pleasure trembling through him, washing away the last of his reason. Jun's lips open against his own and he swallows his moans as he picks up the speed, as he pulls back and thrusts back in, again and again and again until Minghao is a quivering, gasping mess in his arms, his hips moving into his thrusts like his fucking life depended on it.

His mind is blank, his back arches up into Jun and Jun's lips fly down his chest, sucking marks into his flesh, before his mouth closes around his left nipple. Minghao groans when Jun scraps his teeth over the sensitive nub, before he curls his tongue around it in such a naughty manner Minghao hides his face in his hands.

A moment later Jun's hand pulls his arms away.

“Don't hide,” he grins against his ears.

Minghao wants to give him a snarky reply, but the next hard thrust against his spot has him whine in pleasure, so instead he just clings to Jun and urges him to fuck him more, fuck him deeper, till there is none of him left.

Jun's fist tightens around his cock and he pumps him, in time with his punishing thrusts inside and Minghao know he's close, he feels it, the hot, tight heat in his belly just about to explode. His nails dig into Jun's back. His channel clenches around him, eager, desperate to keep him inside, to have him deeper, as deeper as possible...

“I'm...close, Jun...close...”

It only seems to spur him on and Jun fucks into his, drills his cock deeper and deeper until Minghao's language is reduced to more and deeper and _please_ and _Jun -_

_Jun -_

“Jun....”

“Haaah...I know...”

_“Please...Jun..."_

“Come for me, baby.”

Minghao's back arches up, his eyes close and white specks of light explode before his eyes as his climax washes over him like a tidal wave. His cum spurts from his cock in thick waves and wave upon wave of pleasure pulses through his body, taking everything from him until he's a quivering, whimpering wreck, boneless, spent, floating on a cloud.

Jun's cock rides him through the aftermath, and Minghao can tell that he's close, and then, after a last shuddering push into his core, Jun groans and presses his face into the side of his throat.

Minghao feel hot liquid filling him up inside and his ass weakly clenches at the feel. His cock twitches.

 

********

 

**Jun**

 

They rest like this for the longest time, before he slowly leans back to look down at Minghao. His cheeks are still flushed and he has a dreamy, dazed look on his face that makes Jun's heart skip a beat. He gently cups his cheek and presses a small kiss to his swollen lips.

“You ok?” he asks softly.

Minghao sighs a litte. “Good...sore...”

Jun smiles and then carefully pulls out. Minghao winces, but then relaxes and sinks deeper into the sheets. For a moment, Jun simply enjoys the view of his lover, fucked-out and satisfied on his bed. His milky skin is covered with traces of Jun's kisses. His eyes trail down and he shouldn't feel so fucking satisfied to see his cum spilling from Minghao's puffy entrance. But he does.

“I'll be right back,” he says and moves to the bathroom. He quickly wipes himself down and then returns with a damp, warm wash cloth. Minghao barely moves as he cleans up the worst traces of cum and lube from between his thighs. They'll have to take a shower later.

But for now...

“Come here,” Minghao demands.

Jun smirks at his tone and then settles next to him. He pulls his warm, slender body against his own and Minghao cuddles into his side, clearly asking for closeness.

“How do you feel?” Jun can't help but ask, because as the bottom of his heart, he's still a sap.

“Good...stop asking...,” comes Minghao's muffled reply.

Jun hums. For a while they stay like this, basking in the gentle afterglow of their love-making, before he fills Minghao shift in his arms. Then, a moment later, the younger lifts props himself up on his elbows to look at him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“During _that time_ ,” he starts and Jun knows what time he means, “Why... why did you never resent me?”

He thinks about his answer for a long time, before he simply shrugs.

“Maybe...because I knew that you were being like that because you didn't know the whole picture,” he says slowly.

“But – I was horrible to you,” Minghao protests and his face crunches up in confusion.

“...You had reasons to be like that, I guess,” Jun says. Minghao still doesn't look satisfied and he sighs. “I've always known that you're a good person, Minghao. You being mean to me didn't change that.”

Minghao sighs and then leans back down. Jun resumes stroking his bare shoulder.

“You're too good for this world, you know?” he says quietly and this time, Jun can't help but laugh.

“That's the nicest compliment I've ever heard from you.”

“Yeah, but don't get used to it, though.”

He grins and shakes his head. That's the Minghao he knows and fell in love with nonetheless.

All is good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> So, I'll be honest. This story didn't quite turn out the way I'd initially planned, but sometimes that just happens, I suppose.
> 
> Sure, there would've been a lot more potential for relationship building etc, but in the end, I thought, this is my first take on this pairing, so why not just have fun with it?
> 
> I apologise if people wanted to have a different outcome or if they expected a more complex plot. As I mentioned, I'm sure this won't be my last time writing Junhao, and I've definitely learned a lot from this experience and I'll work hard on writing more stories that you guys may enjoy.  
> In any case, I hope you liked the bit of steam at the end.  
> Oh, and I hope you liked Yan An's introduction to the story. I really like his and Jun's friendship, so I just had to include him.
> 
> Well yes, I hope you enjoyed reading my story. Please leave comments and/or kudos.


End file.
